01-Sep-2023 - SAD
The prevailing norm is to function in a state of "performance", attaining a state of stasis to demonstrate resilience, to become esteemed members of society. In the "yang society" we live in, the valued part of human existence seems to be the "active part" that revolves around achievement, speed and success and if you do not meet up to this standard, this may evoke shame.
However, this approach runs counter to the natural order of things which is evident in the workings of celestial bodies, nature and people. The season of September, marks the onset of autumn, characterised by a "transition of energy" from yang (masculine) to yin (feminine). The natural world begins to descend into the darker days of winter.
Should we neglect to comply with the laws of nature, we may find ourselves in "conflict" with the inherent rhythm of existence, consequently causing turmoil to our state of being.
As we transition into the autumn yin energy, it matures and produces a plentiful harvest. This can be observed within ourselves, as everything comes to fruition and a sense of tranquillity ensues. Loose ends are tied up and there is a discernible reduction in activity. During this phase, there is no urge to expend a substantial amount of energy on projects.
"Healthy productivity” requires "flexibility". Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching emphasises the power of softness, using water as a metaphor; water is soft and flexible but also has the power to erode the hardest materials like rock and metal. To be like water, we must overcome hardness with flexibility. Adopting a soft approach can lead to long-term success and a peaceful state of mind. Softness is a strength, allowing us to adapt to different circumstances and avoid breaking under pressure.
Promoting a serene nervous system and a grounded presence is not synonymous with idleness and inefficiency. On the contrary, it fosters an environment that allows for opportunities to manifest. Have you ever noticed that when you relentlessly strive for something, it often eludes you? However, when you surrender and embrace the flow, things effortlessly fall into place and align with your life's purpose. This phenomenon exemplifies the potency of feminine energy. Masculine and feminine energies are interconnected and should be harmoniously integrated to enhance one another's strengths.
You may be thinking, "well Melissa, if you think that SAD is not just based upon the lack of Vitamin D but reflective of transitional energy shifts, surely, this happens the other way”. You are right, it does. "Yin patterns" of SAD: symptoms tend to lean towards depression, oversleeping, heaviness, overeating and weight gain. "Yang patterns" (spring/summer) of SAD: induce feelings of anxiety, lack of appetite, agitation, insomnia, irritability, anger and violent episodes.
“Ensure your Vitamin D levels are optimal”
Why is Vitamin D good?
Vitamin D is an exceptional mood stabiliser. It’s arguably the most crucial nutrient to maintain optimal levels of in the body all year round, in order to facilitate the production of effective hormones. It plays a pivotal role in the activation of DNA for protein synthesis, across all cell types. An NHS laboratory offers a "blood-spot test", that can be obtained through the post to assess one's vitamin D levels. It is important to note that the laboratory does not provide interpretation of the test results or recommend any subsequent actions and additional guidance would be necessary to respond appropriately to the findings. One of the most efficacious methods to enhance the circadian rhythm and promote restful sleep, is through 20 minutes of exposure to morning sunlight.
What sort of foods should we be eating to beat SAD and why/what do they do?
It is highly recommended to consume locally grown and seasonal foods, in order to provide the body with the necessary nutrition, for the specific time of year. It is imperative to select minimally processed and fresh foods to ensure that their vitamins and minerals remain intact. During the autumn season, it is advisable to increase the intake of Vitamin A, by selecting orange and yellow foods such as carrots, butternut squash and pumpkin. These will help to protect the nervous system, boost your immune system, help build strong bones and more… Don’t disrupt blood sugar regulation which can affect mood – opt for complex carbohydrates such as whole grains, beans, lentils and vegetables. Sprouted seeds are an excellent source of enzymes and easily digestible, providing exceptional protein and nutrition. Fermented foods are also highly recommended, as they aid in serotonin production in the gut which is essential for overall health. Medicinal mushrooms such as Coriolus and Lions Mane are known to support cognitive function, while Alpha Lipoic Acid is a natural mood enhancer.
What exactly does physical movement do to combat depression?
Engaging in physical activity triggers the release of endorphins and serotonin in the brain which are known to enhance one's mood. As we transition into autumn, the yin season, practicing Yin Yoga can be particularly beneficial for individuals, experiencing SAD. Yin Yoga is the feminine moon-side of yoga. It encourages a calm nervous system, being grounded and simply “being”. During the yin season, it is important to cultivate patience and connect with our intuitive selves, following what nature is reflecting back to us. Yin Yoga is an introspective, quiet, contemplative and reflective practice that can help alleviate depression, by promoting the flow of stagnant energy through mindful gentle stretching. People that suffer with depression are tightly coiled and therefore stagnant in energy and Yin Yoga promotes the flow of energy once again. It is a practice that fosters alertness without inducing lethargy.
How can acupuncture help SAD?
Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) perceives disease as an imbalance between Yin and Yang. Acupuncture therapy aims to restore equilibrium and enhance the body's natural healing abilities. TCM offers a comprehensive approach to treating depression by identifying root causes and addressing energetic imbalances. Acupuncture has demonstrated effective in treating pain, hormonal, immunological, neurological disorders and depression by harmonising energy and strengthening organ systems. In TCM, the Kidney system is nourished by the sun. Our Yin seasonal cycles lack sunlight, leading to Kidney stagnation, dampness, coldness and depression. Stagnant Liver Qi can result in frustration and depression.
Melissa Day, Cosmetic Acupuncturist at Niroshini 360
Melissa Day is a seasoned Integrative & Preventative Medicine Practitioner professional, specialising in microsystems acupuncture, based upon Traditional Chinese Medicine. With 17 years of experience in the Health, Wellness and Mental Health Industry, her purpose is to empower others, to understand their own journey of self-discovery, bridging the gap between their psychological and spiritual growth, to obtain optimum health and well-being.
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21-Jun-2023 - The Summer Solstice – a time for appreciating nature and the beauty around us
The Summer Solstice is the longest day of the year, where (depending where in the world you are) we are able to enjoy around 17 hours of daylight and hopefully, vitamin D packed sunshine.
A day of celebration for many the world over, the Summer Solstice marks the time when the sun’s path changes and our days begin to shorten. The word Solstice is derived from the Latin words sol (sun) and sistere (to stand still) – before reversing direction, Astrologers say the sun appears to “stand still” at the position on the horizon where it seems to rise and set.
The Summer Solstice fell between the planting and harvesting of crops, allowing people who farmed or worked on the land time to relax and revitalise ready for the hard work of harvest and the winter beyond. Due to this rest period and increased free time, June is the traditional month for weddings.
Celebrations surrounding the Solstice have many different themes; religion, fertility and successful harvests being among them. Pagans hold religious rituals on the Solstice with a wide variety of customs. Dancing, singing, prayer and drum playing are amongst the most popular along with the burning of a Yule wreath in a bonfire. Celebration of the Solstice as part of religious practice, is a time for people to attune themselves spiritually with the natural world and all that comes with both the seasons of nature and humanity. Growth, birth, death and life are the rhythms we live with and the ritual of celebration inspires a conscious effort to allow this to resonate more thoroughly.
Linked to the religious rituals is the desire to strengthen the sense of being part of nature and interconnected spiritually with others and the world as a whole. Many feel this is a key reason to participate in the festivities, often referred to as “the turning of the wheel of the year”.
Outside of religion, countless towns and villages host Midsummer festivities, typically held outside where nature can be fully appreciated; flowers and trees are usually used as part of the decoration. People take part in the event to remind themselves of how precious time is and the changing of the season is another marker of time marching on. The celebration is also to encourage community spirit, friendship and an appreciation for our own homes and natural surroundings.
Summer Solstice is celebrated all over the world by many ethnicities and cultures. In Scandinavian countries, bonfires are lit, usually near lakes and by the sea and traditionally, unmarried women create a garland of flowers for their bed to dream of their future husband. A tradition that is still maintained today and is indicative of the fertility perspective of the Summer Solstice and how the natural world is interlinked with our own fertility and encouragement of new life. In China, the Summer Solstice is closely connected with “yin” and “yang” and celebrates the Earth’s “yin” femininity, the opposite being the Winter Solstice and “yang” masculinity.
Stonehenge, Wiltshire is amongst the most famous of locations to celebrate Midsummer and welcome the breaking dawn. Stonehenge aligns to the Solstice, allowing the rising sun to reach the middle of the stones and shine on the central altar only on the Summer Solstice. A prehistoric site long linked to spirituality, peace and nature, Stonehenge plays host each year to around 20,000 people who celebrate in the longest day with quiet meditation or exuberant revelries and dancing.
How will you be celebrating the Summer Solstice? Our Niroshini Tip is if you haven't got any celebration to attend, make sure you connect with nature, even if it's for 10 minutes. Kick off your shoes and walk on the grass or beach. It's so important to connect with what is part of us; by doing this, it allows us to become grounded, aligned and stronger on an emotional, mental, spiritual and physical level.
We wish you love and peace.
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22-Mar-2023 - Fasting for Spiritual Enlightenment & Self-Improvement
The practice of fasting dates back over 5,000 years and is observed in different ways by many faiths including Muslims, Jews, Christians, Baha'is and Hindus. Most Religions believe that fasting opens a powerful gateway to God and allows oneself to become spiritually attuned.
The Purpose of Ramadan & Fasting
In addition to prayer and refrainment from any selfish desire, fasting is a significant part of Ramadan. During the Holy Month, the purpose is to enter a state of taqwa; a state of constant awareness of God. By adhering to rigorous fast and prayer and refraining from other human urges, Muslims are strengthening their willpower and self-control to ultimately “guard against evil” and bring about self-improvement and increase spiritual awareness in everyday life.
Muslims use time not spent eating and drinking during Ramadan to concentrate on prayer to achieve the state of taqwa and expand upon their spirituality. Outside of Islam, many people use this time to work on self-improvement, to meditate and free the mind or to participate in activities that encourage relaxation.
During and after a fast, people say they feel mentally stronger, more thankful and more in tune with their body and mind than prior; this feeling is often attributed to the ability to exercise and maintain self-control. By increasing the awareness of one’s human needs and denying this, a sense of personal and collective strength and achievement is felt which allows us as humans to feel more connected to ourselves, our peers and our Gods, whilst in a fasting state.
Health Benefits of Fasting
Not only does fasting have a strong link with spiritual and mental well-being, research shows that fasting has a multitude of health and physical benefits also. Some 2,500 years ago, The Father of Western Medicine, Hippocrates, was recommending abstinence from food or drink to aid the body’s natural recovery process from illness and disease. This is still practiced and advised today to improve mental and physical health in Western, Chinese, Alternative and Homeopathic medicine cultures.
Studies show that fasting can have a wide and positive impact on the body in individual areas and as a whole. By allowing the body intermittent periods of rest from digestion, it is able to burn through fat cells more efficiently in this period thus resulting in weight loss.
Fasting has also been shown to improve brain function by boosting the production of a protein that activates brain stem cells to convert into new neurons, triggering a variety of other chemicals which promote neural health also.
The benefits also extend to our outermost layer, our skin. Fasting has been shown to help clear the skin by expelling toxins. With our body not focussing on digesting periodically throughout the day, it is instead able to concentrate its regenerative energies on other systems and is able to clean up toxins and regulate organ function across the body, including our biggest organ of all.
Many, many millions of Muslims, of course. Plus, a multitude of other Religions. However, fasting is not only a religious act and can be undertaken by anyone who would like to practice mindfulness, give their body a break to regenerate or indeed for health reasons. Fasting is a difficult challenge (and one that should be undertaken with care) but why not see how the challenge could improve your mental well-being, your spiritual connection and also your skin!
Thank you to Mohammed Hassan for the use of this photograph.
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27-Jan-2023 - Addictions
An addiction is defined as the interminable repetition of a behaviour, regardless of long-term negative consequences. Addictions can be very unique and therefore this indicates, that the substance or a certain behaviour is not the issue. The short lived perceived gratification, whether it be drugs, smoking cigarettes (which is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome), alcohol, gambling, pornography, sugar or such things as plastic surgery, arguing, shopping, the internet, tattoos, control, cleanliness, being with other people, famous people etc. will never truly satisify, as they are a momentary avoidance (a – void) from the inner self. One is looking to fill that “void” with other means.
Psychologist Dr. Gabor Maté, who deals with severe addictions says: “Addiction is not the fundamental problem but the addict’s desperate and doomed attempt to solve a problem – that of unbearable emotional pain, self-loathing and emptiness”. Maté also says that “The source of addictions, is not to be found in genes but in the early childhood environment”. Inner Child Therapy is one such technique to understand the inner self, to go to the “cause” of the addictive behaviour, to transmute negativity and align with self love. At the core, an addict, is someone that does not love themselves and/or is relentlessly looking to escape from who they are and unresolved trauma. An addiction only gives a brief distraction from the ways things are or perceived. If you are unhappy with the way things are, then Inner Child Therapy, can help you to come back into your self worth, confidence and purpose, to enable you to direct your life in a meaningful, safe and healthy way.
Emotional Freedom Technique is another excellent tool to use, as it enables us to accept the issue (not deny it) and then address the inner pain, emotional emptiness, anxiety etc. that is activating our need for the addictive behaviour, in the first place. EFT works by addressing the physiological and psychological symptoms. It addresses the anxiety, fears and deep void the addiction fills. It helps with such things as promoting self-esteem, self love and a feeling of wholeness and belonging. It helps to neurtralise environmental triggers and aggravators, thus removing the motivation to relapse. Trying to restrain from or blame the substance or oneself for the behaviour, will not produce useful results.
For an addict, an addictive substance, is in effect viewed as crucial to one’s survival and identity. To go about daily life without it, seems unthinkable. We are irresistibly drawn to it and seemingly feel, that we cannot control our impulse towards a substance or have to carry out a certain behaviour. Some may even be in denial, that they have an addiction at all. If someone removes an addiction, for example, alcohol, it’s usual that another addiction replaces it.
Using an addiction such as smoking cigarettes, is simply a tool to not face emotions that are difficult and uncomfortable. It is used to help numb inner pain and anxiety, in an attempt to, for example, keep our emotions in a controlled state. As mentioned above, smoking is one of the hardest addictions to overcome – surprisingly, even more difficult than many hard drugs. However, by suppressing one’s emotions, by keeping them in a “controlled state”, if we look at Universal Law, where everything on this earth is seen as either a positive or negative, “holding back” from expression, is seen as a negative. According to the Universal Law, “like attracts like”, therefore, if we hold a negative in our inner world, such as suppressed emotions, then we will attract that same negative in our outer world. That is why, undertaking a technique such as Inner Child Therapy, is so fundamental in addressing the negative, transmuting it and replacing it with a positive.
When we observe the hand placement, when smoking, our hand is either in front of our mouth or body which can feel like a barrier and/or protection. It is essential that we understand the need of having this layer of separateness, in order to release and heal. At Niroshini, we are thorough and look at all aspects and layers to addictions, therefore providing a truly holistic approach.
At Niroshini, our purpose is always to help you, to be empowered and the process of any therapy is guided by you. We are simply here to facilitate your healing process. Care and acceptance, is at the heart of who we are.
For more information on the therapy services described above, carried out via Zoom, please email: email@example.com
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19-Jan-2023 - Dark night of the soul
The endurance of darkness is preparation for great light – 16th-century Spanish mystic and poet St. John of the Cross
Dark night of the soul is a process in which your soul expands. In order to do this, your current ego goes through a death and rebirth cycle. Therefore, your old ego and psyche which you have formed your personality and identity upon, disintegrates. It’s a process that can be extremely painful and leave you in despair, as everything you once believed, who you thought you were, the structures of your thought patterns, completely die – and the purpose of this, is to get you closer to who you actually are, in your purest form. This process enables us, to let go of concepts that block us from who we truly are. We come to the knowing that our past ways, did not serve us – our repetitive patterns built on fear, only kept us looped in our own mental trap, not allowing us to be authentic to who we are and what we want from life. Some refer to it as a spiritual depression. Others may say that it’s a journey towards divine unification which germinates in the shadow of our essence, our soul. We grow into the person that we know is true – when all negative beliefs, our identity we put upon ourselves and by others and our ego is peeled away.
The dark night of the soul is a transitional period. We have no other option than to surrender, to give up control and be receptive to what our pain is showing us, rather than trying to suppress and resist it. Pain and triggers are gifts. They are beneficial, as they enable us to recognise, those things that do not serve our highest good, like destructive thought patterns or self-sabotaging beliefs. As it’s a time of transition, this means that we’re in a state of letting go of who we believed we were but not yet emerging into our newest state of spiritual evolution – in-between worlds – the old and new ego. We’re in a place of darkness and what comes next, is unknown and this not knowing can bring about a sense of feeling “lower than low”, not being able to function in the usual way, such as getting out of bed, disrupted sleep patterns and experiencing the feeling of having no energy. It’s usual for one to not understand or see what the purpose of life is, regarding it as meaningless, not knowing what to do with one’s life and feeling completely disconnected from everything around them – people the universe, source as a whole. You may feel as if you have no idea what you want in life and things you liked before you no longer have any desire for. You don’t know who you are anymore. Everything seems like a struggle and you can feel completely lost and isolated.
Life hasn’t lost its meaning or purpose. The meaning that your “old ego” stamped onto your life, is in fact what’s dying. Life only becomes meaningless, as a result of the structure of the mind – which is shifting in this process – that built your identity. The process of “ego death” and loss of identity is painful.
We have been indoctrinated to believe that to find happiness, it is obtained outside of us; existing in our external world but the truth is, that our journey towards happiness, needs to start from within. We have to live internally, to gain this sense of peace and harmony and to do this, we need to remove the negative and replace it with a positive through mental alchemy, that can be achieved quickly through inner child therapy. Our external world is merely a hologram of what is happening internally. Therefore, to shift your reality, you need to be aligned mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Seeking things that are outside of us, for a sense of peace and fulfilment, will not erase pain or emptiness. Fulfilment cannot be found through achievement or acquisition.
St. John of the Cross and his mentor, Theresa of Ávila, believed that all humans, have an inborn longing for completion. You may go through life and reach milestones, that you thought would make you happy, like getting a promotion or a fast car, money, status or fame, relationships and romantic love affairs but the emptiness is palpable. This is because in order to achieve wholeness, we need to get to the core of who we are, our soul’s essence and this is achieved by being connected and in union with source, the divine, the unmanifest or god. The divine, is in everything around us, therefore, if we have disconnected from the world, this is why “life” is painful as fundamentally, we cannot exist without it so instead of being resistant to it, we need to find out why we are so distrusting of it. By going to the cause, we can then unravel all the thought patterns and beliefs that have been built upon it. Both John and Theresa, believed that this process of dissolving our ego, requires a transformation, that transpires in the darkness of our unconscious, to reach the light. "The purest suffering bears and carries in its train the purest understanding" – St. John of the Cross
Although the term “dark night of the soul”, has it’s background or rooting in Christianity, it is not a process that is only undergone by followers of that religion. This spiritual manifestation, propelling us towards who we really are, happens for all. Dark night of the soul is described by many, as a spiritual depression, existential crisis and state of spiritual detoxification, in order to transform and transcend. With people experiencing a spiritual awakening, it’s very common for them, to go through the dark night of the soul. A spiritual awakening, is essentially an activation or acceleration to higher evolution.
John and Theresa felt, that the dark night of the soul, was the unconscious movement towards the very thing that our soul wants the most – love – as above all else, we have a deep desire to love. This state of love is achieved through union between us and everything else – the unmanifest, god, source, the divine which exists in everything and everyone. Therefore, the pursuit to happiness, in fact is to become whole within ourselves, to truly then be “one” with all and that is when fulfilment occurs.
In this state of darkness, is the best time to identify and clear negative imprints on your psyche; the unconscious wounds that have developed. Once you’ve identified these, you can then change the root cause. When the root of the issue is addressed, all the symptoms fall away. How can you “change” the past from a negative and transmute it to a positive? Time doesn’t exist. You may have heard “spiritual people” say this but this concept is now being supported by scientists. Time is fundamentally an illusion, created by our limited perception of our reality. Everything in the “past” or ever will happen in the “future”, is happening simultaneously right “now”. This means that the past and future currently exist in different realities – alternate timelines. When you tap into an alternate timeline through inner child therapy, you have the power to change your whole reality now. This transmutation of negativity, is cultivated by mental alchemy which is an important aspect of universal law.
Dark night of the soul, is initiated by your soul, meaning, that it’s a process that it wanted to go through. It is cocreated between your soul and the universe so it’s a soul level decision, on how long the process will take but knowing that it is directed by your soul, should give some comfort, in understanding that this process is for your highest good and that you are resilient enough to go through it, albeit painful and confusing at times. The best thing to do, is surrender to the process and listen, listen to your soul, listen to your heart, feel the pain, identify where it is coming from and transmute it which can be achieved through both inner child therapy and emotional freedom technique. Surrender to your soul’s will, let go of control, in needing to know everything that’s happening and what is going on. Soon the darkness will clear and you will emerge like the dragonfly.
If you’ve been yearning and longing for a different life, another way of doing things, thinking, behaving, feeling – wanting to understand why you’re here and who you are, then that’s why your soul attracted this transitional period to you. It’s a gift. It is clearing the path, for you to see and feel where you are meant to be and who you are at the core. Once all the barriers and facades have fallen, that’s when you can manifest the life you desire – because before dark night of the soul, you just weren’t quite ready for it – things needed to change – in order for you to allow things into your life.
If a person is battling with dark night of the soul and it feels like too much, we can facilitate a form of shamanic healing for the mind to accelerate the process of finding closure. We can do this through the safeguarded technique developed by Dolores Cannon, called Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique. This technique is actually designed for past life regression and healing. It is particularly useful, in bringing a person out of trauma or loss.
For more information, please email: firstname.lastname@example.org
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09-Jan-2023 - Grief
There seems to be a collective ineptitude around tragedy. People feel ill-equipped if not operating from a well-rehearsed script and apart from saying unhelpful things, this not knowing how to face grief head on, can end up meaning that people completely avoid it altogether, leaving the other person to deal with it on their own. It’s not something to be brushed under the carpet, it’s not something that can be medicated by another saying, “just stay strong!”, “you need to move on”, you’ve got to get over this”, “it’ll get better”, “let’s just go and do something that makes you feel better, he wouldn’t have wanted you to be upset”, "just grin and bear it”, “you’ve got to deal with it”, “that’s what life deals us” etc. We must not use positive focus, to move away from ourselves. By burying emotions, the grieving process takes even longer. It’s actually preferable that somebody let’s their life break down completely and then once they move through those emotions, life starts a new cycle.
Our ancestors knew that our natural survival and make up, was one of a tribal nature. This meant that if one was sick, then someone could look after the other. If someone was grieving, then there were others in a position to support that person, as they were not in that same emotional space. The way our society has evolved, is that we no longer have this woven fabric of community support which was part of natural human survival. It therefore, goes completely against the grain, to have a person fall to their knees and collapse in silence. That’s the reason why people who are faced with grief, chose to escape and run from it – because there's no network of support to hold them.
In the 1770s in England, the black armband was first adopted, to signify mourning. In the Regency Era, 1795 to 1830, it was a societal expectation, that men and male children, wore black crepe armbands, along with black suits. When Queen Victoria’s husband, Albert died in 1861, to honour him, the royal servants, wore black crepe armbands for at least eight years. If we re-adopted this act of mourning and saw people walking around, with their grief exposed in broad daylight, whilst shopping for groceries or travelling on the underground, I wonder how our relationship to tragedy would change. Grief needs to be shared, not judged.
When something is lost, it can cause pain – and in its vacancy – resides grief. No one is exempt from loss. We must remember that the dark days are part of the natural order. Transformation is painful.
Grief can appear in every shadow and shade of life. The timeline for grief is unique for the individual and it’s completely normal, to feel as if you have regressed, in your evolution towards inner peace. The avalanche of pain, if you allow yourself to dip into it, is so consuming that it can be overwhelming. Grief feels fatal. The shock and violent trauma, brings us to a state of powerlessness. Greif is complex and it looks different for different people:
The woman who realises she has been in a cohesively financially controlling relationship, within the infrastructure of a domestically abusive marriage, who is mourning the lost years and comforts her younger self for not seeing what was happening and letting herself go through this pain for so many years. The best friend you had found in a dog, your grandma’s ring you could never find, a place that felt like home that you can never return to, a relationship or connection that was not reciprocated, a friendship that dissolved, grief for old parts of you that have been buried and forgotten which you wish you could express in order to be your true self once again…
The “power” of grief is driven through its purpose of which is to find connection once again. This is when we allow ourselves to “feel”, to “remember” who we are at our core and surrender to the fact, that we live in an interdependent universe, where one, cannot exist without the other. By swimming in the depth of emotion that grief offers, it reminds us that we are not detached or alone, that is simply an illusion that appears real – we are part of and integral to and of this world. We’re integral to the existence of source, as every time we learn and grow in consciousness, it is able to do the same. If we strip back to our true essence, who we are, all we really strive for at our very core, is connection and what’s submerging us in pain, is feeling the lack of it. We can only know connection if we know disconnection so grief, is an opportunity for us to find our connection once again. Without experiencing the opposite, we would not be aware of the other. Without dark, we would not be aware of light. Therefore, we will desire the opposite, when launched into the negative; if you’ve lost someone, you will want a sense of connection once more.
There is no way around grief. It is the great agent that navigates us through the “emotional scale”. We essentially start from a state of powerlessness; the trauma and shock you feel when you learn of or come to terms with, something or someone that you love, has now gone. The opposite of powerlessness is empowerment so now, as we move through the emotional scale of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – we will be seeking a way, to bridge the gap between the two polarities, of all emotional states. The process of grief will close the gap between the negative and positive emotional vibrational states, such as guilt, rage, revenge, pessimism, insecurity to contentment, belief, hopefulness, love, freedom etc. Therefore grief, is in fact, your closest ally, as it is not giving you any other option, than to surrender to and allow yourself to go through each level and dimension of every vibrational state, all in the purpose and pursuit, to lead you to become reconnected with yourself, others and the universe as a whole. It’s the toughest love you’ll face but the most profound and powerful. We then come to see the particular experience – dripping with all of its tragedy, pain and trauma – in fact enhanced our life. We will come to the understanding, that the lessons experienced in fact, added something to our life. Whatever the loss was, it will be regarded as a gift, instead of a trauma or pain. The value of grief, is that it transforms us, in enabling us to firstly become more in alignment with our true selves and secondly, we have the ability to see and comprehend, the fuller picture of reality, in a more profound way. You couldn’t have become what you are today and you would not have known all of the lessons learnt, as a result of the event. Grief can be one of the best catalysts for our lives. Your responsibility is to remember those lessons and pass on what they have taught you and share how they influenced you, in order to help others.
Intertwined in the evolution of the emotions felt during grief, is forgiveness. Forgiveness however cannot be forced, it’s a process that happens naturally. Forgiveness is reached, when we come to a point in our life, where we find approval for what happened.
Grief needs to be heard and this type of openness can be lifesaving. The pain can be so unrelenting. It therefore may feel hard or even impossible to keep a “brave face”, whilst you are simultaneously feeling disconnected from who you are and completely lost. If someone is in the depths of grief and is going through it in silence, feeling trapped in their mind and have retreated away from everything and everyone, with the intention of completely isolating themselves, loss can seem unendurable and intolerable, rather than simply painful and can lead to self-destructive behaviours, such as clutching to an addiction like alcohol, to temporarily numb the pain and emptiness. They may get trapped in a loop of denial, that nothing is wrong. Denial, however, will not lead one out of the cycle of grief. It’s paramount to remember that it’s okay to not be strong; to feel weak and vulnerable is part of the process. They may use a substance, to try to prevent themselves from feelings, that may arise such as guilt or shame and suffer quietly on their own. Guilt for example, may be felt as “survivors’ guilt”, feeling that they should have died in another’s place – or regretting what they did or said or did not do or say, before it was too late. This process allows one to revaluate life. It’s natural to question things when grieving. If there are regrets, “I should have...”, this time allows us to learn from those regrets. Grief takes up a lot of space in the body and mind and its all-consuming nature, if not dealt with in a healthy way, can mean that it overrides every life decision and thought process of an individual, keeping them within a state of powerlessness.
Bestselling author and widower C. S. Lewis said in the opening line of his book, A Grief Observed, “nobody ever told me that grief felt so much like fear”. What are we fearful of? The fear of losing ourselves, in the darkness of our deep anguish and pain. The fear of growing old alone, with no one to share life or love with. The fear that the intense pain and emotions will never cease. When propelled into grief, we can feel damaged, isolated and completely alone and therefore, afraid of everything because we are wading, through the sense of disconnection, presented before us. Every cigarette smoked, every lover gained, only to protect us from ourselves, is our desperate attempt to escape from our own emotion.
When people say the word “acceptance”, it usually means that they will “try” to be okay with something. However, rather than “convincing” ourselves that we’re okay, the healthiest approach to grief, is to find a sense of reconciliation and resolution. It is paramount that we are present with the sheer shock and trauma of someone or something’s absence. We must allow ourselves to submerge into the feeling, of the lack of a person or circumstance in our life. This is called “dipping into the void” and the pain feels incurable. That’s why, on grieving, it’s vital that this process is not done alone.
Grief has the power to bring people together and that in and of itself is healing. Everyone that is called into our lives, shares a part of us, as they mirror certain aspects of us. Therefore, even if they are not grieving, by allowing them in, you will be gifting them with your vulnerability, as it will be there to teach them deep lessons, that are going on in their inner and outer reality. Each of us, experience different emotional vibrational states so being in the presence of someone who is transitioning, through some of the hardest, only allows the other person to reflect on their own choices, motives and inner healing.
Regardless of whether you can allow someone to be with you through the pain, sit with and breathe into the intense emotions, do not fear this process or be resistant to it. Open yourself to emotions, be the participant and also the observer. Accept your emotions as they come; you will find that you do not have to let your emotions control you. Notice, accept and do not judge them; let them be there. Remind yourself, that it’s okay to “feel”, that’s part of being human. We don’t have to perform the same day in day out, according to societal values and beliefs. We are energetic form and therefore, our emotions flow through us like waves in the ocean. Sometimes crashing us senseless, then a relentlessness eb and flow, to calm and still and back again. It’s okay to feel grief and all the emotions that appear within it. Let the pain wash through your being and allow it to bound in and fester and then dissolve. Notice what’s going on in your body and breathe. Breathe and cry and as you’re detoxing, ensure you drink water. Do not hide your emotions from yourself or others. You don’t even need to react to the emotion. Do no suppress or try to avoid this process, in an attempt to escape it. Allow your strong emotions to move through you and listen to them and feel them intensely. You can let yourself feel. Lean into pain and turn over every uncomfortable emotion. Validate each emotion, until a sense of resolution with each is reached. When you’re completely with those sensations, then you in fact travel through them and you actually move and shift beyond them. Having emotions, means we have hearts. It’s not, how can I numb, suppress or end this pain instantly. It’s what’s the meaning of this pain, what does it reveal to me, what is it calling me to understand.
If we do not integrate grief and loss into our emotional body, this means that we will be manifesting more and more scenarios in life, where we experience this. This is because our emotional body, is calling out to us, to become whole. It’s a reflection of our mirrored wound. Our external world is a hologram of our internal world. As like attracts like, we will be attracting the same fragmented part of ourselves, again and again, until we understand and learn to completely feel and transmute it, in order for it to transition, from a negative to a positive. This integration can be quickly achieved through Inner Child Therapy. If negative patterns are repeating, we need to go back to when they first occurred. In the case of grief however, this is something that all of us, incarnate into this earth with, we are in fact united by it. We essentially lost ourselves in our birth into our physical form. We abandoned ourselves when we separated ourselves, from that which we truly are – from source. We are grieving “loss of self”, who we truly are at our core. By manifesting more and more scenarios, we are only being shown, that we need to go back to who we are, without any filters, facades and barriers. To be authentic and honest with ourselves. We suffer to the intense extent, that the desire within us to be whole again, is powerful enough to draw us back to ourselves, re-joining us back to source, as source and self are one in the same. Emotion is what leads you back to you, your true essence.
We must make a vow never to abandon ourselves again. We must make a vow, to be completely with ourselves in each and every moment of our lives, without needing ourselves or the way we feel to be different ~ T.S.
Grief is the last act of love, we can give to those we loved and to ourselves.
For more information about Inner Child Therapy, please email: email@example.com
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02-Jan-2023 - Co-dependency – worthiness externalised
Shamans believe that when we transcend through many phases in life, enduring several experiences, our soul gets damaged, resulting in different aliments and disorders. They believe however that all illness, comes from “losing power or giving power away”, to someone or something.
When someone is co-dependent, this is in fact, a form of giving your power away “your centre of power”, as your sense of worthiness has been externalised and placed within others.
If your centre of power is located outside of yourself, this will mean that internally, you will have a dysfunction with your energy system, there will be a weakness in it. A person’s centre of power is located between the second and third chakra. Co-dependency will germinate in the root (tribal chakra), sacral (relationship chakra and also where your power starts as an individual) and solar plexus (where your power as an individual reaches maturation) – the lower, foundational chakras. Co-dependency is born in childhood. These three chakras are affected, as they are predominant in childhood. The root chakra is the first to activate in us; group or tribal consciousness. The sacral chakra is individualised consciousness – a very specific type of power is developed, in the second chakra – it’s “power in relationships”.
This co-dependent style is common to be a cyclical pattern, that can be displayed in all relationship dynamics; with romantic partners, family members, friends and colleagues. This relationship style, creates a sense of purpose found in a compulsive need to care for, save, rescue, assist and help others.
In psychology, the co-dependent is described as someone who sacrifices their own needs, for the needs of others. They deny their own healthy needs. If you are “sacrificing” yourself, this essentially means that you have placed your centre of power – worthiness, validation, sense of approval, self-esteem, your identity and self-image – into someone else, therefore, there is a lack of a sense of “Self” and identity within you. When a person’s centre of power is externalised in someone else, then they are completely dependent on others being in their lives and this manifests in the form of creating a dynamic where, the co-dependant can feel as if they are needed and relied upon so they usually take on the role of taking care of or “saving”, rescuing or compulsively needing to “help or assist” others, in order to get a sense of self-worth. This is a dysfunctional relationship style where one endeavours to “give themselves up” which is destructive. They create an illusion of “goodness” to themselves and the outside world – “I give myself up for other people”. I say the co-dependent “endeavours” to do this because it’s not possible to give yourself up – you cannot give up your own needs and wants. What happens is, instead of expressing them, the co-dependent will suppress them and live a life that is unfulfilled and inauthentic. This can then manifest as a denial of what one’s true desires are. Essentially a co-dependent holds back emotions, they may suffer from depression (a suppression of emotion) and as a result, end up rejecting and disowning certain aspects of themselves.
To have a healthy relationship of mutual empowerment, it needs to be one of authenticity and this is actualised when in a state of cocreation. Both honour their own needs and desires and fulfil them in a way that is healthy for both, in order to create the life that they want with one another, in an interdependent and symbiotic way. Both have their best interests capitalised on, where both people’s needs are met. We live in an interdependent universe. The truth of this universe is that of oneness.
If a co-dependent is yearning for a sense of self-worth and the only way that they can feel this, is within others, it is very usual for them to end up in cyclical relationship patterns that are toxic. If the co-dependent gets into a relationship dynamic that is toxic, for example, with a person that has a high conflict personality style such as narcissism, this is in fact a mirror of the co-dependent. Like attracts like and essentially, the co-dependent, can be described as a covert narcissist. The definition of a narcissist, is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. The co-dependent has the same traits but displayed in a hidden way – within others.
Co-dependent was a term that originated in clinical literature that focused on addiction. The addiction in this scenario is "a person or people", as the co-dependent has an extreme focus outside of them in other people. They need other people in order to feel good about themselves. The co-dependent does not have value towards themselves or value who they are. They require other people in order to feel valuable. As like attracts like, it is common for a co-dependent to attract someone into their lives, with an addiction whereby they can feel as if they have to “save” that person from themselves. However, the motive behind this “help”, is to enable the co-dependent to feel better within themselves so it is therefore not done for unselfish reasons. This co-dependent compulsive addiction, manifests itself in the need to be needed – as by in the helping and in the sacrificing of themselves for others, that’s where they get a spike in their self-worth, as internally, they have none residing inside of them.
By being in a toxic relationship, a co-dependent can display anger and frustration towards themselves, as they know that there’s something fundamentally wrong with how their life is being lived. They know that they are not being treated well and they know they are in fact responsible for the issues going on in their lives. They strive to gain their self-esteem and worthiness, through the endurance of an unhealthy relationship. They keep sticking it out, despite the harm it brings to all. They are responsible for keeping other people trapped in that relationship, even though it is hurting both. Essentially, the co-dependent has created a very victimised situation and finds any excuse to stay in it, to maintain their sense of identity and self-worth, at the detriment to themselves and the other person.
A co-dependent feels that in order to “feel” powerful within themselves, they need to “save” others. However, when a co-dependent is relentlessly giving their power away, this means that they are responsible for draining their own life force so it’s very common for them to become run down, have low energy and have various dis-eases. When your self-worth is externalised, you have no sense of Self and this is why co-dependents have no sense of boundaries, allowing others to treat them however they wish to – not knowing how to impose their limits, being non-assertive and not knowing how to say “no”. Therefore, the co-dependent won’t attain a sense of power in this way, as they are literally depleting their centre of power within this unhealthy dynamic and can face a lot of suffering as a consequence. By overextending themselves, by saving one or multiple people, the co-dependent can become completely overwhelmed and suffer from over exhaustion.
A co-dependent will have a fear of abandonment. If a romantic partner for example leaves and the co-dependent is left on their own, then their illusion of self-worth literally "walks out the door" and they feel completely vulnerable as on their own, standing on their own two feet, they do not actually know who they are; they have no sense of Self. High anxieties therefore arise from the very thought of separation in a co-dependent dynamic. Therefore, they trade in their absolute need for closeness and in doing so, simultaneously deny their own personal truth. A co-dependent may be so frightened of being abandoned, that they go to extreme measures, to keep someone sick so they can never leave so the person remains dependant on them. For example, their partner may misuse substances or have difficult or toxic patterns and behaviours but the co-dependent will minimise those issues by denying them and repeatedly rescuing them in a caregiving capacity or by other means such as money or helping that person to avoid criminal consequences for their behaviour, all in an attempt to “save or rescue” them. In other words, if for example, a substance user’s disorder is healed, that in effect would threaten the co-dependent, in terms of them losing their sense of purpose and identity. They don’t want change. Fear of change is a strong feature in a co-dependent. It’s very typical, for those that possess a fear of abandonment, to go from one toxic relationship to another. They will have a tendency to “overlap” relationships, in order to feel “safe” to transition from one to the other. It can also be common for those with abandonment issues to cheat, as they long for that sense of feeling needed so if they feel any type of insecurity within their “main” relationship, where all of their identity pivots upon, the way they self-medicate, so to speak, from the fear derived from the thought of the “pain of losing someone”, is to cheat in order to temporarily make them feel a sense of safety, by having the feeling of being needed.
If your power resides in someone else, then you will be forever trying to control the other person, as they hold your power. This control can seep out in trying to also control the environment to contain that sense of self-worth and identity. You will possess a quality of hypervigilance, forever being on edge and chronically monitoring the environment for potential threats. However, people and the environment are in constant evolution so this is a battle that can never be conquered and as a result of this, it’s common for a co-dependent to have low trust in people and the universe as a whole. This results in the co-dependent feeling anxiety and stress.
A co-dependent person can frequently get angry when the person they are “helping” or are trying to save, do not thank them or show appreciation for all that they have done. They feel that they have every right to be angry too, without contemplating whether the person in question, actually asked for their help. They may also get angry because they feel taken advantage of but again, like attracts like and essentially, the co-dependent is in fact also taking advantage of the other person, by relying on them to feel good about themselves.
The reason why co-dependency forms, is a result of our learnings and experiences in childhood. It’s a by-product of adapting to dysfunctional human relationships.
If a child was neglected, physically or emotionally, then the child starts to feel emotions such as shame. They have a strong sense of feeling abandoned and this forms the understanding within themselves, that their own needs are not important to be met because this is what has been shown to them, by a caregiver or parent neglecting them in some way. Our universe is simply made of positive and negative. Neglect would be classified as a “negative”. If the child does not transmute this negative from their energetic system, they will continue to attract that same negative going into adulthood, in different scenarios throughout life – they will essentially be creating and manifesting more situations, where they feel neglected or abandoned but in the case of the co-dependent, they are in fact, neglecting themselves as they are putting their centre of power and their sense of worthiness within someone else. The reason why this repetition happens, is because the emotional body needs us to reintegrate that negative, in order to change it to a positive, to become whole again. A shaman would describe this as damaged holes in the soul. To remove this negative and replace it with a positive, this can be quickly and easily achieved through inner child therapy.
In some family dynamics, a child may have taken “emotional responsibility” for the parent, rather than being the “child” by becoming confidants, advisors, caregivers, mentors, mediators etc. Therefore, this externalisation of worth can show up in this circumstance. For example, if a child must care for a parent, then if the parent is sick, they can firmly believe, that they are responsible for that parents change in illness and if their condition worsens, they can feel shame. Therefore, depending on how the parent’s wellbeing fluctuates, this dictates the child’s emotions and their identity begins to be enmeshed within that parents illness. This process of enmeshment is a demonstration of very tangled boundaries and as a child, it is not known what appropriate boundaries are in a child and parent relationship. This pattern, then repeats itself in adulthood.
A co-dependent, may have friends that can see that they are in a toxic relationship and try to encourage them to leave. The co-dependent however, may use an excuse to stay by saying something along the lines of “I feel completely responsible for their emotions and feelings so I can’t leave, they need me”. If the co-dependent is under no illusion that they need to remove themselves from the relationship, they may say “I want to leave but it’s just too painful, it’s like they are a part of me”. In both of these examples, you can see how the co-dependent, has totally externalised their identity and sense of purpose upon someone else.
If you firmly believe that you are “completely” responsible for how someone else feels, this only leads to suffering. It is not the reality and what you’re essentially doing, is erasing that person’s capability and this can result in you taking away another person’s feeling of empowerment and freewill, by making them dependent upon you. Therefore, it may seem to the co-dependent and the outside world, as a virtuous act but it’s in fact inauthentic.
In childhood, as mentioned above, responsibility may have been placed upon a child by parents or caregivers which was not appropriate for a child. In turn, this can make a child feel abandoned, as they know that this should in fact be the responsibility of the parent or caregiver, yet they clearly do not want to take on that responsibility. This sense of abandonment creates a feeling of pain and this then becomes the child’s understanding of what it feels like, if someone does not take responsibility for someone else. In adulthood, this can then develop in a hypervigilance of responsibility where the co-dependent feels, it’s their duty to not allow people to feel the pain that they felt as a child. By doing this, for the co-dependent, it can bring about a sense of connection to others. The truth is however, you are not “completely” responsible for how someone feels. Taking on this role, can lead to an immense amount of stress and pressure, in attempting to keep someone on an even keel, stable and under control. If you want someone to be completely reliant on you, to make them feel good – so that you too feel good - this is very destructive for both.
Inner child therapy is really the key in addressing co-dependency. Also, it is essential that we address the energetic system, in relation to the foundational chakras, strengthening them and reclaiming and recalling your power back.
If you have identified that you hold the traits of a co-dependent and want to find techniques in which to clear those patterns, empower yourself and transform your life, then at Niroshini, we have many strategies in which to address this.
For more information, please email: firstname.lastname@example.org
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24-Dec-2022 - Did Covid-19 awaken the inner child?
Are you not satisfied with your life or career? Do you find that you make poor choices when it comes to relationships? Do you live impulsively to your detriment? Or as a result of the pandemic, are childhood traumas resurfacing?
The inner child is something considered as a valid part of the human psyche by psychology. In spiritual terms, the inner child can be described as the essence of our soul. The intention behind Inner Child Therapy, is to provide people with tools, in which to reconnect with their inner child, in order to free them from emotional and mental issues, that are not serving their highest good and purpose. The Inner Child Theory is that these fundamentally exist, as a result of childhood experiences. By revisiting the childhood experience and forming a healthy relationship with this part of who we are, provides the basis for healing to occur. Essentially, as children we are adapting to survive but in an unhealthy environment, how we adapt, can be the determining factor, in how we proceed into the future in an unhealthy way. Ultimately, Inner Child Therapy helps to integrate the adult self, with the inner child.
The inner child holds qualities such as innocence, playfulness, wonder, sensitivity, awe, the free expression of feeling and emotions, curiosity, creativity and more... However these traits are not ordinarily valued highly in the Western world. Therefore we are “socially sanctioned by society”, by being told to not express this part of ourselves, in order to “grow up”; thus abandoning, rejecting, neglecting and denying our true essence – who we are. The inner child also holds the key to childhood fears, anger, trauma etc. We may feel that these feelings experienced were so long ago that they do not deserve attention or we may feel we’ve moved on and those feelings from our childhood selves, are in the past. The truth is that by denying our inner child, it in fact then determines every life choice, emotion, behaviour and relationship we entre into. This is because our choices are based upon wounds, hurt and an abandoned inner child.
When disassociated from our inner child, behavioural, relationship and emotional challenges occur. Essentially, if a child experiences trauma such as abandonment, neglect, abuse, tragic events, enmeshment or lack of attention, approval, affirmation or affection for example at the age of 12, then this disassociation can cause our development to stagnate on a psychological level, we age physically - but our psychological growth is stunted as a 12 year old. By disconnecting with our inner child and conforming to societal expectations, we lose our identity. By reconnecting to the inner child, it opens up possibilities and realigns us to our Dharma - Sanskrit word – "your true calling". It is important to recognise that “expectation”, whether that of which you have placed upon yourself or you have towards others, is simply identified as the ego. To release yourself from this notion, results in the elimination of suffering. Therefore, when we understand societal expectations equals the mass ego, then this can help detach us from it - and start to follow our true authenticity, rather than basing our lives upon goals and ambitions that are not ours.
How many of us, have lived a life of our parents expectations and if we don’t fulfil this, then it is deemed as unacceptable or you are labelled a failure? In Jay Shetty’s book “Think like a Monk”, he said that he grew up in a family where, he could become one of three things: a doctor, a lawyer or a failure. Despite his family’s discontent, Jay chose to follow his Dharma and set about to become a Monk. Now married and living in Los Angeles, Jay has become a motivational speaker and shares his teachings through his Monk training, to spread love and healing and to help people to find their Dharma. It is about truly listening to our intuition which at various points throughout our life, can almost seem to disappear or we disassociate from it. When we start to look from within to our intuition, our inner child and connect to our “higher self” or our “oversoul” or “Subconscious”, to help us understand what we want to aim for and what goals to aspire to achieve, this is when we can realign with our true authentic selves. Some people argue that above shelter and food, to be heard is the most valuable. If we are not heard as children, if our voices are muted, if we are not acknowledged, nurtured and encouraged, in what we want to do or become, this is when one can end up living to the tune of someone else’s song. In listening to ourselves, this is when self-actualisation can manifest; our true potential. Connecting with the inner child, is a wonderful way to gain an understanding of your purpose.
Jung’s example of one such child archetype was the “puer aeternus” meaning “eternal child” which can be depicted as Peter Pan or the female version “puella aeterna” as Tinkerbell. This refers to someone that remains as an adolescent psychologically. They may be very dependant upon parents, lead a life that is empty, they may wish for things in the future but do not materialise them. Remember a wish, is simply a reminder that we haven’t put in place actions, in order to make that hope or dream happen. What they value may be freedom and not having any constraints or particular commitments. Jung said that it is not to dismiss the eternal child, more so to have a balance between the “senex”, “old man” that is ordered and responsible, in order to mature psychologically. In fact, universally, it is seen as healthy to fluctuate between the adult and child self, that has healed from childhood trauma.
If we are told to “get over it”, “don’t cry” etc, this reinforces a coping mechanism within us, determined by society in how to act and feel, thus rejecting our inner child, our true self.
We can have negative and false beliefs about ourselves, based on how we were communicated with verbally or non-verbally. For example, if a child was abandoned, then they may automatically believe that they are worthless, they are “not good enough”, there’s something wrong with them because they’ve been rejected, they feel unlovable because they believe they are a bad person etc. These beliefs can overspill into how we feel about the world and people around us, for example, the world is not safe and no one can be trusted. This serves as another layer of disconnection, as we have severed the tie of our inner child; that wonder, awe and innocence - by us creating a perceived way of protecting ourselves - for example, isolating ourselves from everything and everyone around us – and by doing so, we create a false self, one that is not in alignment, with who we truly are at the core, the seed of who we are.
Inner Child Therapy involves exploring what we may have lacked or needed as a child and then to readdress this by actually providing those things for ourselves and in doing so, one is parenting or re-parenting themselves. By understanding negative patterns, such as the way we see ourselves, speak to ourselves, see others, see the world around us, always being on self-sabotage mode, the mindset shifts by acknowledging and fully understanding the trauma and in doing so, we can become our own effective and healthy parent, in order to address these issues now. As well as parenting yourself, there are various other methods to help reconnect you with your inner child.
How many of us repeat relationship patterns, for example, being attracted to someone who is "emotionally unavailable". In Inner Child Therapy, we can explore this, by going back to childhood experiences. For example, is it a case of trying to win someone’s approval because this was an expectation put upon us as children, to find a way to become seen as acceptable, to be seen in a way that was desirable to the parents or caregivers in order to be loved - and - because this dynamic is familiar, we become almost "addicted" to the “chase” of winning over a love relationship in this same way - to gain approval with the ultimate aim of being accepted, as we feel this will provide us a sense of safety and belonging?
Inner Child Therapy identities how present day behaviours, are a result of childhood trauma. These could have manifested as workaholism, alcoholism, being aggressive, overachieving, eating disorders, self-harming, obsessive behaviour, trust issues, co-dependence, intimacy dysfunctions etc.
Where suffering is dismissed, this can be as a result of coming from a place of denial; a survival mechanism. The roots can come from that need for acceptance and approval and therefore, the trauma is buried or it could simply stem from someone, not believing that what they experienced was “that bad” because they are comparing themselves to someone else. Remember no one’s experience, is qualified to be any more or less important. We all have unique experiences to us. Not addressing where the trauma came from, as in identifying who it came from, can result in people blaming themselves, like they did in childhood which in turn, excuses a parent or caregiver for abusive or neglectful behaviour. FOG – fear, obligation and guilt – parenting practises that are based on these, can also mean that the adult self now, is reluctant to identify who the responsibility lays with. Alice Miller said that she saw people resisting the truth about their parents which she believed came from a place of idealising them.
Inner Child Therapy helps to identify, where roles were shifted in a family dynamic, for example, the child may have taken “emotional responsibility” for the parent and rather than being the child, in order to appease them, they became confidants, advisors, caregivers etc. By understanding this, it can help your adult self now, to develop healthy preferences (boundaries) with all relationships - family, friends and colleagues etc.
Covid-19 and our inner child
Feelings of being “trapped” – the inner prison, is talked about by Alice Miller in her book “The Drama of the Gifted Child”. In literal terms however, when we look at childhood, we are living in an environment that is controlled by an authoritarian figure and if a child has been in an abusive living situation, then this can feel as if we are trapped, not only physically but emotionally by not being permitted to defend or express ourselves and being subjected to a position of powerlessness. During the pandemic, for many, childhood trauma was triggered, by revisiting this feeling of being “trapped” once again. Our whereabouts, who we could interact with and what we could do, were controlled and if not abided by, one had to face an unpleasant consequence.
We can strive to be more loving, kind and compassionate with others but how many of us direct this energy towards ourselves? The benefits of inner child therapy can help to develop this. There are so many advantages to this therapy, as it can lead to shifts within your life to make healthy choices and nurturing a bond that is healthy towards yourself. By working with Melissa, she can help you to reconnect with your true essence, through “inner journeys” (meditation and visualisations), Emotional Freedom Technique, writing, helping you to facilitate a therapy session held by you with your inner child and looking at videos and photos. You will be able to express and explore this part of yourself, with the knowledge that you are in a caring and accepting environment. Melissa has 16 years of experience, working as a therapist. Together, you can address such things as, emotional difficulties, self-loathing, relationship challenges and trauma – emotional abuse, sexual or physical and neglect. You will explore beliefs in the form of “scripts” – what we tell ourselves, as a result of the information we absorbed as children and carry into adulthood – and in doing so replace this script with something that is healthy. Re-writing internal scripts, allows one to function effectively. There are many influences on our lives, that can be from as early as when we were in the womb. If you want to explore this further, Melissa can facilitate a Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique session. Our senses at a young age absorb information from family, caregivers, religious institutes, teachers and more and therefore, you will have the time and space in the session with Melissa, to explore all influences in your life at a young age so that no stone is left unturned, in discovering where certain beliefs have derived from. We’ll also explore activities associated with positive memories and look to find ways in which to re-introduce these into your life now, as a means to connect with your true essence and live a fulfilling life of enjoyment.
Each Inner Child Therapy session is tailored to the individual. For more information, please email: email@example.com
To read about our Zoom Talking Therapy, click here
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14-Dec-2022 - Nourished through our wounds...
In “The Joyous Body”, written by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, nature teaches us how to become nourished through our wounds, if we allow. On unforgiving mountains, in the barren starkness, beyond the upper limit, where trees were said to not grow, is where Clarissa formed her deep bond with the bristlecone pines. She shared her love – they shared unlimited wisdom in abundance.
The trees past the timberline, were not immediately visible, as they hunkered down, kissing the granite rock; to the unknowing eye, they could be mistaken for bushes. These trees, older than Christ, survived brutal cyclical elements. Then there were the trees, holding onto the furthest rocks, jetting out over canyons.
The trees, seemingly bushes, on the most unrelenting side of the mountain, stretch across the rock, instead of the sky, in order to grow. Clarissa mused on how many of us, have been bedridden, emotionally, physically, through life’s challenges and yet, we still grow. The trees balancing on jetting rocks, on the less windy side of the mountain, are again, where people say they can’t exist. The fact is, they have found a way to thrive, in the most remarkable of circumstances. Clarissa notes that what she witnessed in them, is the spirit in the psyche, even past 2,000 years. It’s that life force, streaming, unbounded, cursing through the soul of the tree.
What Clarissa learnt from these wise, magnificent teachers, was that they had adapted in body, to withstand all that came their way. As people, if only we “allowed” this “listening” between the self and body to occur – Clarissa describes the body as “our beautiful companion and consort” – we’d expand deeply in knowledge and wisdom too.
We have the same access to energy for vibrant health, as the trees do, however, if we do not bring light to our wounds and allow for the healing of our samskaras, then this shakti or life force is blocked. In Indian philosophy samskaras are “psychological imprints”, “mental impressions” or “recollections”, engraved on our energetic body. Michael J Singer talks in his book, “The Untethered Soul”, about old TVs, that had a couple of channels and if you switched one programme over, you could still see the last image, seeping through on the screen. That is what an energetic imprint is, something that has occurred in the past but still has left an impression upon us. We have vortexes of energy throughout our entire system, hundreds of them. However, most are familiar with the main seven vortexes, chakras, from the crown of our head, to the base of our spine. These energy wheels, get blocked, when we don’t let go and heal past traumas and disturbances.
In life or through doing inner work, the same trigger may occur, even when you thought it had been healed. For example, a trigger could be abandonment. This does not mean, that you’ve gone back to step one, in your healing. Consciousness is ever expanding, ever growing; it cannot go backwards. You are consciousness so you too, are not going backwards. All this simply means, is that you have expanded so much to the degree, that you have developed to the stage, of having a greater understanding of the samskara, in order to fully bring it into full awareness, to finally release it.
Like attracts like so if you have not healed a wound, then your emotional body will be crying out, for you to heal it and that is why vibrationally, there is a point of attraction within you, that in fact is seeking this discomfort to occur, in order for you to fully integrate it, through mental alchemy (from a negative to a positive) to become whole.
Life is always going to be about healing; that’s our duty, in the expansion of consciousness as a whole. There is no end point to healing. Simply new lessons to be learnt and experience to be shared. You can never sever your connection to source, as you are an extension of source itself. It is through connection to the world around us and people, that we learn. Life is our guru.
It is through this adaptation, to the surrounding elements, that the bristlecone pines were “tested” and subsequently, listened in order to thrive in their surroundings. Clarissa says “We live there in both those ways with the body, out there taking risks, hanging on, growing, developing nonetheless and also lying close to the ground if need be and growing nonetheless anyway”.
Clarissa marvelled about the fact that, the bristlecone pines, were written upon. Through deep inspection, L’s and T’s, R’s and A’s were engraved into their skin, by the wind that scarred them. The dust would settle into the marks, like beautiful, inky black tattoos. An untamed, magnificent beauty, etched by Gaia.
Clarissa then thought why, in our society, is being unmarked, a sign of beauty? The bristlecone pines were breath-taking in their beauty. Are we supposed to not have a history reflective of our survival stories. Clarissa said, “All I know, is that every creature that lives on the face of this earth, if they have dared to live, they are scarred, they are written upon in some way”.
The continuous, unabated ruthlessness of the environment, cause the trees, to anchor down, deep into mother earth, far enough so they are firmly held in her grasp. However, due to being on mountainous terrain, with rocky granite bedding, when it rains, the droplets are driven off the surface.
Amazingly however, there are insects that burrow deeply into the earth and feed off the tree root systems, making little bites across the entire root line. The beauty of this, is that the insects are in fact removing the hardened skin of the roots, allowing for when the quenching water does get past the granite fort, to nourish right to the wound of the root. This symbiotic relationship, that open up their “venous system” as Clarissa describes, allows the bristlecone pines, to receive the nutrition they require.
It is only through this allowance, of a relationship to form, can we understand the meaning behind our samskaras and bring our consciousness into a state of awareness. It is this relational development with our environment and people, that we need to let in, to shine a light on our deepest wounds. We can only expand in consciousness, through connection.
Let’s acknowledge our wounds, nourish them with the light of awareness. Be proud of the lessons, release the samskaras and wear our physical scars with pride.
If you require support on your healing journey, Melissa can faciliate this, via her Zoom Talking Therapy.
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05-Dec-2022 - I deserve, I am worthy, I am enough
I am worthy...
I am enough...
Are any of these phrases hard for you to feel or say... do you have a receiver block?
If someone compliments you or gives you a gift, offers to help you, shows you affection and care - these are forms of love. It’s really helpful to understand how an individual or certain cultures translate their “language of love”, for example, some cultures may associate giving food as a symbol of love.
If someone gives us something, it does not mean we can receive it. Therefore, if we have the inability to receive, this in fact shows us that we cannot receive love. We may really want love, however, it’s really common to really desire something, yet block it at the same time because there’s that little voice inside that believes we don’t deserve love.
Our receiving blocks are usually formed in childhood. This may have been because love that was given to us was only shown based on conditions, such as having to achieve or earn something in order to be loved. This early learning, shaped our understanding that love and receiving are negative. This interpretation, then influences our belief system – we have to earn something in order to deserve something – so therefore, if someone tries to "give", this makes us distrust the motive behind it. If love is given in order to have something in return, this is not love.
In our early years, if we have experienced trauma, pain or anything uncomfortable in our environment, something called “armouring” is developed. Armouring is in essence a shutting down of our energy system in order to shield and defend us from people and the world around us – so we are not open or receptive to others. It can play a role in helping a child use what mechanisms they can to protect themselves emotionally however, as they transition into adulthood, this armouring, can play havoc with relationships with others and the universe as a whole. We start to carry around the belief that people and the universe are not safe.
When a child armours, this is directed through their first chakra known as the root chakra which represents safety, stability and survival. Therefore, when a child does not feel safe, the first chakra activates, creating a defence strategy, hardening it like a shield as a protective mechanism. Therefore, each time this “unsafe” feeling is triggered, this shielding or barrier gets harder and harder. This aspect of our inner protector is initiated by our masculine energy, our yang; on guard, ready to protect, always anticipating danger. This barrier is a block between you and the universe so there is no natural rhythm of energy between you and everything else which is painful as it’s not natural, it’s in fact impossible for us to detach from the universe as it fundamentally is what our existence is based upon. To try to separate ourselves, impacts our ability to manifest, as our external world is a reflection of our inner world. As within so without.
Receiving blocks are usually associated with the heart, for example, when it comes to relationships. Although this is true as we get older as the more we shield and harden, this protective strategy then takes over our entire energy system which includes the heart chakra - the receiver block in fact starts in our first chakra, not the heart chakra. Each chakra is slightly differently approached when is comes to addressing armouring so it’s helpful to know that the first chakra, is where we initially need to focus our healing.
If we have a difficulty in receiving love, this usually indicates a disbelief and mistrust towards a person’s motives. Our armouring that we’ve created stops us from being able to receive. If our experience of love in our early years was not given unconditionally, then we can grow up, not recognising actual love when it’s staring us in the face; we don’t see it and we can’t feel it. The mere thought of being offered something makes one feel vulnerable and for example, can trigger a feeling of us giving our power away to someone, resulting in a sense of alarm and fearfulness. Giving our power away, could be associated with love being given to us where we then were in a position of feeling indebted to that person, through guilt or duty so it felt like entrapment. In this respect, love is given as a form of leverage and what the "receiver” may try to do in return is reciprocate, only to avoid being trapped so that the giver doesn’t have the upper hand. If we were made to feel as if something was wrong with us by our parents or caregivers by being mistreated or having love based on conditions as a child, our ingrained belief is that we can’t be loveable, just as we are because on some level, we feel flawed because why would we have been treated in that way in the first place if we weren’t.
In childhood, when the armouring starts and the child begins to form a separation with themselves and the universe, it’s very painful to experience and upon this disassociation with the universe, a child starts to form a story about this and how they feel and this is when energetic imprints and beliefs are formed. The story could be something along the lines of “I’m a bad person, I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy, I can never be abundant, something is wrong with me, I don’t deserve, I feel guilty and shame - which can lead to self hatred and different forms of self abuse, such as forming an addiction or self harm. This energy is feminine in nature, yin. When this negative self talk begins, beliefs start to take shape and energetic imprints form and go into all the chakras, the first chakra initially. These energy imprints influence how your personality, ego and beliefs form as you grow older. This stored energetic information is what we build our personality upon.
People who can’t receive, block any notion of help. They refuse to ask for it and they don’t receive much help, as they are distrusting of the universe and everyone around them so feel that it’s “them against the world” and that in order to do or have something, they have to do it alone. They don’t often see help when it’s being offered but if they do, they will usually instantly seek holes in it, to try to reveal that the intention behind it, is not pure. They feel unworthy of help and in a sense see it as a negative - a way to illustrate that they are not capable of doing it alone.
If we have experienced love and lost it, whether that be through a breakup or a death of a loved one, in order to not experience this pain of loss and to go through the grieving process, some feel it’s more practical to push any form of love away because “love hurts” or “love is not safe” so they protect themselves from potentially feeling that same pain again. If we experience multiple breakups, it may seem that the love was never real and therefore we dismiss the idea of love existing but it did during that period, it wasn’t fake. Essentially, even if on some level we want love, if we feel undeserving of love, we’ll be blocking it at the same time.
At Niroshini, we have various approaches to helping you:
1) Inner child therapy. Going into your past, may seem daunting but you’d be surprised at how simple and fast the techniques are to help support you. This will allow you to visit situations that made you feel unsafe and vulnerable and change them – change their energetic frequency from a negative to a positive. This will teach you mental alchemy and the more you do it, the easier it will become. This process enables you to reparent yourself which is one of the most powerful healing tools you can have.
2) Emotional Freedom Technique. Again this is a fast and easy way for you to learn to alter your thought patterns and empower you to live in a healthy way with yourself, others and the universe. We can address beliefs and imprints through this technique. As talked about, our personality and ego are formed based upon the information ingrained initially in our first chakra and this is exactly where we focus the healing to start with. Unless we address the energy imprints in the chakras, the mindset does not shift, as this is the foundation of where our personality and ego evolve. Neural pathways of the brain are rewired as a result of this therapy.
The universe does love you, creator, god, source loves you.
For more information, please email: firstname.lastname@example.org
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10-Mar-2021 - Why is it happening again?
The universal law of creation, refers to one creating their world inside, internally and then out, externally so it’s imperative that you ensure the inside, your internal world, is of a positive. The law of perpetual transmutation of energy is the most influential law in transforming your existence. This law refers to us having the power within (internally), to integrate and change the conditions in our lives, by mastering how to alter our internal emotional state. The external world is a mirror, a reflection of who we are; a hologram of our internal world. Higher vibrations dissipate and transform lower ones; by understanding the universal laws, we have the ability to change the energy from a negative to a positive which impacts our daily lives so that our existence is pleasurable, content, satisfying and fulfilling. Our universe is made of positive and negative and like attracts like. For example, if someone experienced a circumstance in childhood where they felt abandoned or rejected by a parent or caregiver, this would be classified as a “negative” and if they do not transmute this, they will continue to attract that same negative in different scenarios throughout life – they will essentially be creating and manifesting more situations, where they feel abandonment and rejection. This is created as our emotional body is crying out for us to integrate that negative in order to change it to a positive, to become whole again. If they avoid (a-void) the feelings and thoughts associated with abandonment and rejection (through addiction for example), they will never be able to be fully present with themselves, as this trauma of abandonment and rejection will relentlessly continue to present itself, in order to reintegrate itself.
Being present with yourself, enables you to be fully present with everything around you which allows for growth, development and expansion. If we are always reliving the past or constantly running from our feelings by sprinting into the future, then we are not giving ourselves the capacity to be in the present, in order to fully learn from what our emotions are revealing to us in order to heal.
Our emotional body is the gateway, translator and communicator between our physical selves and our thinking selves. It’s what enables us to experience thought as real as without having feelings, nothing would be recognised as being real, the thought would remain as abstract; it wouldn’t have a physical existence. We interpret life, our experiences, upon how we feel which forms the basis of our conclusions. Emotional trauma, our current emotional state and imprints of the emotional aspects of memories are stored in our emotional body.
In this universe, time does not exist, humans have put a measure upon something that is immeasurable, therefore, everything is in the now. This may sound strange and quite “out there” however even scientists such as, physicist Julian Barbour and quantum gravitational expert, Carlo Rovelli believe that time is not real. If everything is in the now, this means that we have the potential to alter our emotional state - around a trauma or anything that has interfered negatively, impacting our alignment - that in turn changes our here and now.
One such technique in Inner Child Therapy, allows you to revisit childhood trauma and alter your emotional state in relation to it; it enables you to reintegrate the negative and transmute it and to then replace it with a positive. This alteration of memory, actually changes the causation; the effect of that trauma upon you. By doing this, the blueprint of one’s entire reality shifts and transforms as we live in a universe where time doesn’t exist.
If we integrate abandonment and rejection, then the perpetual cycle of it reappearing in our external world will cease. This will make us feel lighter, happier, balanced and at peace. We can be truly present, as this trauma is transmuted – not always in the background, tapping us on the shoulder. That is why it is paramount, that we live internally. Society has programmed us to search for things that are external to us to change our emotional state and our inner world however, the laws of our universe, show us that it’s in fact the opposite. We have the mental alchemy within us, to create our external reality because it is, a hologram of us.
For more information about Inner Child Therapy, please email: email@example.com
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