Shamans believe that when we transcend through many phases in life, enduring several experiences, our soul gets damaged, resulting in different aliments and disorders. They believe however that all illness, comes from “losing power or giving power away”, to someone or something.

When someone is co-dependent, this is in fact, a form of giving your power away “your centre of power”, as your sense of worthiness has been externalised and placed within others.

If your centre of power is located outside of yourself, this will mean that internally, you will have a dysfunction with your energy system, there will be a weakness in it. A person’s centre of power is located between the second and third chakra. Co-dependency will germinate in the root (tribal chakra), sacral (relationship chakra and also where your power starts as an individual) and solar plexus (where your power as an individual reaches maturation) – the lower, foundational chakras. Co-dependency is born in childhood. These three chakras are affected, as they are predominant in childhood. The root chakra is the first to activate in us; group or tribal consciousness. The sacral chakra is individualised consciousness – a very specific type of power is developed, in the second chakra – it’s “power in relationships”.

This co-dependent style is common to be a cyclical pattern, that can be displayed in all relationship dynamics; with romantic partners, family members, friends and colleagues. This relationship style, creates a sense of purpose found in a compulsive need to care for, save, rescue, assist and help others.

In psychology, the co-dependent is described as someone who sacrifices their own needs, for the needs of others. They deny their own healthy needs. If you are “sacrificing” yourself, this essentially means that you have placed your centre of power – worthiness, validation, sense of approval, self-esteem, your identity and self-image – into someone else, therefore, there is a lack of a sense of “Self” and identity within you. When a person’s centre of power is externalised in someone else, then they are completely dependent on others being in their lives and this manifests in the form of creating a dynamic where, the co-dependant can feel as if they are needed and relied upon so they usually take on the role of taking care of or “saving”, rescuing or compulsively needing to “help or assist” others, in order to get a sense of self-worth. This is a dysfunctional relationship style where one endeavours to “give themselves up” which is destructive. They create an illusion of “goodness” to themselves and the outside world – “I give myself up for other people”. I say the co-dependent “endeavours” to do this because it’s not possible to give yourself up – you cannot give up your own needs and wants. What happens is, instead of expressing them, the co-dependent will suppress them and live a life that is unfulfilled and inauthentic. This can then manifest as a denial of what one’s true desires are. Essentially a co-dependent holds back emotions, they may suffer from depression (a suppression of emotion) and as a result, end up rejecting and disowning certain aspects of themselves.

To have a healthy relationship of mutual empowerment, it needs to be one of authenticity and this is actualised when in a state of cocreation. Both honour their own needs and desires and fulfil them in a way that is healthy for both, in order to create the life that they want with one another, in an interdependent and symbiotic way. Both have their best interests capitalised on, where both people’s needs are met. We live in an interdependent universe. The truth of this universe is that of oneness.

If a co-dependent is yearning for a sense of self-worth and the only way that they can feel this, is within others, it is very usual for them to end up in cyclical relationship patterns that are toxic. If the co-dependent gets into a relationship dynamic that is toxic, for example, with a person that has a high conflict personality style such as narcissism, this is in fact a mirror of the co-dependent. Like attracts like and essentially, the co-dependent, can be described as a covert narcissist. The definition of a narcissist, is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. The co-dependent has the same traits but displayed in a hidden way – within others.

Co-dependent was a term that originated in clinical literature that focused on addiction. The addiction in this scenario is “a person or people”, as the co-dependent has an extreme focus outside of them in other people. They need other people in order to feel good about themselves. The co-dependent does not have value towards themselves or value who they are. They require other people in order to feel valuable. As like attracts like, it is common for a co-dependent to attract someone into their lives, with an addiction whereby they can feel as if they have to “save” that person from themselves. However, the motive behind this “help”, is to enable the co-dependent to feel better within themselves so it is therefore not done for unselfish reasons. This co-dependent compulsive addiction, manifests itself in the need to be needed – as by in the helping and in the sacrificing of themselves for others, that’s where they get a spike in their self-worth, as internally, they have none residing inside of them.

By being in a toxic relationship, a co-dependent can display anger and frustration towards themselves, as they know that there’s something fundamentally wrong with how their life is being lived. They know that they are not being treated well and they know they are in fact responsible for the issues going on in their lives. They strive to gain their self-esteem and worthiness, through the endurance of an unhealthy relationship. They keep sticking it out, despite the harm it brings to all. They are responsible for keeping other people trapped in that relationship, even though it is hurting both. Essentially, the co-dependent has created a very victimised situation and finds any excuse to stay in it, to maintain their sense of identity and self-worth, at the detriment to themselves and the other person.

A co-dependent feels that in order to “feel” powerful within themselves, they need to “save” others. However, when a co-dependent is relentlessly giving their power away, this means that they are responsible for draining their own life force so it’s very common for them to become run down, have low energy and have various dis-eases. When your self-worth is externalised, you have no sense of Self and this is why co-dependents have no sense of boundaries, allowing others to treat them however they wish to – not knowing how to impose their limits, being non-assertive and not knowing how to say “no”. Therefore, the co-dependent won’t attain a sense of power in this way, as they are literally depleting their centre of power within this unhealthy dynamic and can face a lot of suffering as a consequence. By overextending themselves, by saving one or multiple people, the co-dependent can become completely overwhelmed and suffer from over exhaustion.

A co-dependent will have a fear of abandonment. If a romantic partner for example leaves and the co-dependent is left on their own, then their illusion of self-worth literally “walks out the door” and they feel completely vulnerable as on their own, standing on their own two feet, they do not actually know who they are; they have no sense of Self. High anxieties therefore arise from the very thought of separation in a co-dependent dynamic. Therefore, they trade in their absolute need for closeness and in doing so, simultaneously deny their own personal truth. A co-dependent may be so frightened of being abandoned, that they go to extreme measures, to keep someone sick so they can never leave so the person remains dependant on them. For example, their partner may misuse substances or have difficult or toxic patterns and behaviours but the co-dependent will minimise those issues by denying them and repeatedly rescuing them in a caregiving capacity or by other means such as money or helping that person to avoid criminal consequences for their behaviour, all in an attempt to “save or rescue” them. In other words, if for example, a substance user’s disorder is healed, that in effect would threaten the co-dependent, in terms of them losing their sense of purpose and identity. They don’t want change. Fear of change is a strong feature in a co-dependent. It’s very typical, for those that possess a fear of abandonment, to go from one toxic relationship to another. They will have a tendency to “overlap” relationships, in order to feel “safe” to transition from one to the other. It can also be common for those with abandonment issues to cheat, as they long for that sense of feeling needed so if they feel any type of insecurity within their “main” relationship, where all of their identity pivots upon, the way they self-medicate, so to speak, from the fear derived from the thought of the “pain of losing someone”, is to cheat in order to temporarily make them feel a sense of safety, by having the feeling of being needed.

If your power resides in someone else, then you will be forever trying to control the other person, as they hold your power. This control can seep out in trying to also control the environment to contain that sense of self-worth and identity. You will possess a quality of hypervigilance, forever being on edge and chronically monitoring the environment for potential threats. However, people and the environment are in constant evolution so this is a battle that can never be conquered and as a result of this, it’s common for a co-dependent to have low trust in people and the universe as a whole. This results in the co-dependent feeling anxiety and stress.

A co-dependent person can frequently get angry when the person they are “helping” or are trying to save, do not thank them or show appreciation for all that they have done. They feel that they have every right to be angry too, without contemplating whether the person in question, actually asked for their help. They may also get angry because they feel taken advantage of but again, like attracts like and essentially, the co-dependent is in fact also taking advantage of the other person, by relying on them to feel good about themselves.

The reason why co-dependency forms, is a result of our learnings and experiences in childhood. It’s a by-product of adapting to dysfunctional human relationships.

If a child was neglected, physically or emotionally, then the child starts to feel emotions such as shame. They have a strong sense of feeling abandoned and this forms the understanding within themselves, that their own needs are not important to be met because this is what has been shown to them, by a caregiver or parent neglecting them in some way. Our universe is simply made of positive and negative. Neglect would be classified as a “negative”. If the child does not transmute this negative from their energetic system, they will continue to attract that same negative going into adulthood, in different scenarios throughout life – they will essentially be creating and manifesting more situations, where they feel neglected or abandoned but in the case of the co-dependent, they are in fact, neglecting themselves as they are putting their centre of power and their sense of worthiness within someone else. The reason why this repetition happens, is because the emotional body needs us to reintegrate that negative, in order to change it to a positive, to become whole again. A shaman would describe this as damaged holes in the soul. To remove this negative and replace it with a positive, this can be quickly and easily achieved through inner child therapy.

In some family dynamics, a child may have taken “emotional responsibility” for the parent, rather than being the “child” by becoming confidants, advisors, caregivers, mentors, mediators etc. Therefore, this externalisation of worth can show up in this circumstance. For example, if a child must care for a parent, then if the parent is sick, they can firmly believe, that they are responsible for that parents change in illness and if their condition worsens, they can feel shame. Therefore, depending on how the parent’s wellbeing fluctuates, this dictates the child’s emotions and their identity begins to be enmeshed within that parents illness. This process of enmeshment is a demonstration of very tangled boundaries and as a child, it is not known what appropriate boundaries are in a child and parent relationship. This pattern, then repeats itself in adulthood. 

A co-dependent, may have friends that can see that they are in a toxic relationship and try to encourage them to leave. The co-dependent however, may use an excuse to stay by saying something along the lines of “I feel completely responsible for their emotions and feelings so I can’t leave, they need me”. If the co-dependent is under no illusion that they need to remove themselves from the relationship, they may say “I want to leave but it’s just too painful, it’s like they are a part of me”. In both of these examples, you can see how the co-dependent, has totally externalised their identity and sense of purpose upon someone else.

If you firmly believe that you are “completely” responsible for how someone else feels, this only leads to suffering. It is not the reality and what you’re essentially doing, is erasing that person’s capability and this can result in you taking away another person’s feeling of empowerment and freewill, by making them dependent upon you. Therefore, it may seem to the co-dependent and the outside world, as a virtuous act but it’s in fact inauthentic.

In childhood, as mentioned above, responsibility may have been placed upon a child by parents or caregivers which was not appropriate for a child. In turn, this can make a child feel abandoned, as they know that this should in fact be the responsibility of the parent or caregiver, yet they clearly do not want to take on that responsibility. This sense of abandonment creates a feeling of pain and this then becomes the child’s understanding of what it feels like, if someone does not take responsibility for someone else. In adulthood, this can then develop in a hypervigilance of responsibility where the co-dependent feels, it’s their duty to not allow people to feel the pain that they felt as a child. By doing this, for the co-dependent, it can bring about a sense of connection to others. The truth is however, you are not “completely” responsible for how someone feels. Taking on this role, can lead to an immense amount of stress and pressure, in attempting to keep someone on an even keel, stable and under control. If you want someone to be completely reliant on you, to make them feel good – so that you too feel good – this is very destructive for both.

Inner child therapy is really the key in addressing co-dependency. Also, it is essential that we address the energetic system, in relation to the foundational chakras, strengthening them and reclaiming and recalling your power back.

If you have identified that you hold the traits of a co-dependent and want to find techniques in which to clear those patterns, empower yourself and transform your life, then at Niroshini, we have many strategies in which to address this.

For more information, please email: info@niroshini.com

The endurance of darkness is preparation for great light – 16th-century Spanish mystic and poet St. John of the Cross

Dark night of the soul is a process in which your soul expands. In order to do this, your current ego goes through a death and rebirth cycle. Therefore, your old ego and psyche which you have formed your personality and identity upon, disintegrates. It’s a process that can be extremely painful and leave you in despair, as everything you once believed, who you thought you were, the structures of your thought patterns, completely die – and the purpose of this, is to get you closer to who you actually are, in your purest form. This process enables us, to let go of concepts that block us from who we truly are. We come to the knowing that our past ways, did not serve us – our repetitive patterns built on fear, only kept us looped in our own mental trap, not allowing us to be authentic to who we are and what we want from life. Some refer to it as a spiritual depression. Others may say that it’s a journey towards divine unification which germinates in the shadow of our essence, our soul. We grow into the person that we know is true – when all negative beliefs, our identity we put upon ourselves and by others and our ego is peeled away.

The dark night of the soul is a transitional period. We have no other option than to surrender, to give up control and be receptive to what our pain is showing us, rather than trying to suppress and resist it. Pain and triggers are gifts. They are beneficial, as they enable us to recognise, those things that do not serve our highest good, like destructive thought patterns or self-sabotaging beliefs. As it’s a time of transition, this means that we’re in a state of letting go of who we believed we were but not yet emerging into our newest state of spiritual evolution – in-between worlds – the old and new ego. We’re in a place of darkness and what comes next, is unknown and this not knowing can bring about a sense of feeling “lower than low”, not being able to function in the usual way, such as getting out of bed, disrupted sleep patterns and experiencing the feeling of having no energy. It’s usual for one to not understand or see what the purpose of life is, regarding it as meaningless, not knowing what to do with one’s life and feeling completely disconnected from everything around them – people the universe, source as a whole. You may feel as if you have no idea what you want in life and things you liked before you no longer have any desire for. You don’t know who you are anymore. Everything seems like a struggle and you can feel completely lost and isolated.

Life hasn’t lost its meaning or purpose. The meaning that your “old ego” stamped onto your life, is in fact what’s dying. Life only becomes meaningless, as a result of the structure of the mind – which is shifting in this process – that built your identity. The process of “ego death” and loss of identity is painful.

We have been indoctrinated to believe that to find happiness, it is obtained outside of us; existing in our external world but the truth is, that our journey towards happiness, needs to start from within. We have to live internally, to gain this sense of peace and harmony and to do this, we need to remove the negative and replace it with a positive through mental alchemy, that can be achieved quickly through inner child therapy. Our external world is merely a hologram of what is happening internally. Therefore, to shift your reality, you need to be aligned mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Seeking things that are outside of us, for a sense of peace and fulfilment, will not erase pain or emptiness. Fulfilment cannot be found through achievement or acquisition.

St. John of the Cross and his mentor, Theresa of Ávila, believed that all humans, have an inborn longing for completion. You may go through life and reach milestones, that you thought would make you happy, like getting a promotion or a fast car, money, status or fame, relationships and romantic love affairs but the emptiness is palpable. This is because in order to achieve wholeness, we need to get to the core of who we are, our soul’s essence and this is achieved by being connected and in union with source, the divine, the unmanifest or god. The divine, is in everything around us, therefore, if we have disconnected from the world, this is why “life” is painful as fundamentally, we cannot exist without it so instead of being resistant to it, we need to find out why we are so distrusting of it. By going to the cause, we can then unravel all the thought patterns and beliefs that have been built upon it. Both John and Theresa, believed that this process of dissolving our ego, requires a transformation, that transpires in the darkness of our unconscious, to reach the light. “The purest suffering bears and carries in its train the purest understanding” – St. John of the Cross

Although the term “dark night of the soul”, has it’s background or rooting in Christianity, it is not a process that is only undergone by followers of that religion. This spiritual manifestation, propelling us towards who we really are, happens for all. Dark night of the soul is described by many, as a spiritual depression, existential crisis and state of spiritual detoxification, in order to transform and transcend. With people experiencing a spiritual awakening, it’s very common for them, to go through the dark night of the soul. A spiritual awakening, is essentially an activation or acceleration to higher evolution.

John and Theresa felt, that the dark night of the soul, was the unconscious movement towards the very thing that our soul wants the most – love – as above all else, we have a deep desire to love. This state of love is achieved through union between us and everything else – the unmanifest, god, source, the divine which exists in everything and everyone. Therefore, the pursuit to happiness, in fact is to become whole within ourselves, to truly then be “one” with all and that is when fulfilment occurs.

In this state of darkness, is the best time to identify and clear negative imprints on your psyche; the unconscious wounds that have developed. Once you’ve identified these, you can then change the root cause. When the root of the issue is addressed, all the symptoms fall away. How can you “change” the past from a negative and transmute it to a positive? Time doesn’t exist. You may have heard “spiritual people” say this but this concept is now being supported by scientists. Time is fundamentally an illusion, created by our limited perception of our reality. Everything in the “past” or ever will happen in the “future”, is happening simultaneously right “now”. This means that the past and future currently exist in different realities – alternate timelines. When you tap into an alternate timeline through inner child therapy, you have the power to change your whole reality now. This transmutation of negativity, is cultivated by mental alchemy which is an important aspect of universal law.

Dark night of the soul, is initiated by your soul, meaning, that it’s a process that it wanted to go through. It is cocreated between your soul and the universe so it’s a soul level decision, on how long the process will take but knowing that it is directed by your soul, should give some comfort, in understanding that this process is for your highest good and that you are resilient enough to go through it, albeit painful and confusing at times. The best thing to do, is surrender to the process and listen, listen to your soul, listen to your heart, feel the pain, identify where it is coming from and transmute it which can be achieved through both inner child therapy and emotional freedom technique. Surrender to your soul’s will, let go of control, in needing to know everything that’s happening and what is going on. Soon the darkness will clear and you will emerge like the dragonfly.

If you’ve been yearning and longing for a different life, another way of doing things, thinking, behaving, feeling – wanting to understand why you’re here and who you are, then that’s why your soul attracted this transitional period to you. It’s a gift. It is clearing the path, for you to see and feel where you are meant to be and who you are at the core. Once all the barriers and facades have fallen, that’s when you can manifest the life you desire – because before dark night of the soul, you just weren’t quite ready for it – things needed to change – in order for you to allow things into your life.

If a person is battling with dark night of the soul and it feels like too much, we can facilitate a form of shamanic healing for the mind to accelerate the process of finding closure. We can do this through the safeguarded technique developed by Dolores Cannon, called Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique. This technique is actually designed for past life regression and healing. It is particularly useful, in bringing a person out of trauma or loss.

For more information, please email: info@niroshini.com

The universal law of creation, refers to one creating their world inside, internally and then out, externally so it’s imperative that you ensure the inside, your internal world, is of a positive. The law of perpetual transmutation of energy is the most influential law in transforming your existence. This law refers to us having the power within (internally), to integrate and change the conditions in our lives, by mastering how to alter our internal emotional state. The external world is a mirror, a reflection of who we are; a hologram of our internal world. Higher vibrations dissipate and transform lower ones; by understanding the universal laws, we have the ability to change the energy from a negative to a positive which impacts our daily lives so that our existence is pleasurable, content, satisfying and fulfilling.   Our universe is made of positive and negative and like attracts like. For example, if someone experienced a circumstance in childhood where they felt abandoned or rejected by a parent or caregiver, this would be classified as a “negative” and if they do not transmute this, they will continue to attract that same negative in different scenarios throughout life – they will essentially be creating and manifesting more situations, where they feel abandonment and rejection. This is created as our emotional body is crying out for us to integrate that negative in order to change it to a positive, to become whole again. If they avoid (a-void) the feelings and thoughts associated with abandonment and rejection (through addiction for example), they will never be able to be fully present with themselves, as this trauma of abandonment and rejection will relentlessly continue to present itself, in order to reintegrate itself.

Being present with yourself, enables you to be fully present with everything around you which allows for growth, development and expansion. If we are always reliving the past or constantly running from our feelings by sprinting into the future, then we are not giving ourselves the capacity to be in the present, in order to fully learn from what our emotions are revealing to us in order to heal.

Our emotional body is the gateway, translator and communicator between our physical selves and our thinking selves. It’s what enables us to experience thought as real as without having feelings, nothing would be recognised as being real, the thought would remain as abstract; it wouldn’t have a physical existence. We interpret life, our experiences, upon how we feel which forms the basis of our conclusions. Emotional trauma, our current emotional state and imprints of the emotional aspects of memories are stored in our emotional body.

In this universe, time does not exist, humans have put a measure upon something that is immeasurable, therefore, everything is in the now. This may sound strange and quite “out there” however even scientists such as, physicist Julian Barbour and quantum gravitational expert, Carlo Rovelli believe that time is not real. If everything is in the now, this means that we have the potential to alter our emotional state – around a trauma or anything that has interfered negatively, impacting our alignment – that in turn changes our here and now.

One such technique in Inner Child Therapy, allows you to revisit childhood trauma and alter your emotional state in relation to it; it enables you to reintegrate the negative and transmute it and to then replace it with a positive. This alteration of memory, actually changes the causation; the effect of that trauma upon you. By doing this, the blueprint of one’s entire reality shifts and transforms as we live in a universe where time doesn’t exist.

If we integrate abandonment and rejection, then the perpetual cycle of it reappearing in our external world will cease. This will make us feel lighter, happier, balanced and at peace. We can be truly present, as this trauma is transmuted – not always in the background, tapping us on the shoulder. That is why it is paramount, that we live internally. Society has programmed us to search for things that are external to us to change our emotional state and our inner world however, the laws of our universe, show us that it’s in fact the opposite. We have the mental alchemy within us, to create our external reality because it is, a hologram of us.

For more information about Inner Child Therapy, please email: info@niroshini.com

An addiction is defined as the interminable repetition of a behaviour, regardless of long-term negative consequences. Addictions can be very unique and therefore this indicates, that the substance or a certain behaviour is not the issue. The short lived perceived gratification, whether it be drugs, smoking cigarettes (which is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome), alcohol, gambling, pornography, sugar or such things as plastic surgery, arguing, shopping, the internet, tattoos, control, cleanliness, being with other people, famous people etc. will never truly satisify, as they are a momentary avoidance (a – void) from the inner self. One is looking to fill that “void” with other means.

Psychologist Dr. Gabor Maté, who deals with severe addictions says: “Addiction is not the fundamental problem but the addict’s desperate and doomed attempt to solve a problem – that of unbearable emotional pain, self-loathing and emptiness”. Maté also says that “The source of addictions, is not to be found in genes but in the early childhood environment”. Inner Child Therapy is one such technique to understand the inner self, to go to the “cause” of the addictive behaviour, to transmute negativity and align with self love. At the core, an addict, is someone that does not love themselves and/or is relentlessly looking to escape from who they are and unresolved trauma. An addiction only gives a brief distraction from the ways things are or perceived. If you are unhappy with the way things are, then Inner Child Therapy, can help you to come back into your self worth, confidence and purpose, to enable you to direct your life in a meaningful, safe and healthy way.

Emotional Freedom Technique is another excellent tool to use, as it enables us to accept the issue (not deny it) and then address the inner pain, emotional emptiness, anxiety etc. that is activating our need for the addictive behaviour, in the first place. EFT works by addressing the physiological and psychological symptoms. It addresses the anxiety, fears and deep void the addiction fills. It helps with such things as promoting self-esteem, self love and a feeling of wholeness and belonging. It helps to neurtralise environmental triggers and aggravators, thus removing the motivation to relapse. Trying to restrain from or blame the substance or oneself for the behaviour, will not produce useful results.

For an addict, an addictive substance, is in effect viewed as crucial to one’s survival and identity. To go about daily life without it, seems unthinkable. We are irresistibly drawn to it and seemingly feel, that we cannot control our impulse towards a substance or have to carry out a certain behaviour. Some may even be in denial, that they have an addiction at all. If someone removes an addiction, for example, alcohol, it’s usual that another addiction replaces it.

Using an addiction such as smoking cigarettes, is simply a tool to not face emotions that are difficult and uncomfortable. It is used to help numb inner pain and anxiety, in an attempt to, for example, keep our emotions in a controlled state. As mentioned above, smoking is one of the hardest addictions to overcome – surprisingly, even more difficult than many hard drugs. However, by suppressing one’s emotions, by keeping them in a “controlled state”, if we look at Universal Law, where everything on this earth is seen as either a positive or negative, “holding back” from expression, is seen as a negative. According to the Universal Law, “like attracts like”, therefore, if we hold a negative in our inner world, such as suppressed emotions, then we will attract that same negative in our outer world. That is why, undertaking a technique such as Inner Child Therapy, is so fundamental in addressing the negative, transmuting it and replacing it with a positive.

When we observe the hand placement, when smoking, our hand is either in front of our mouth or body which can feel like a barrier and/or protection. It is essential that we understand the need of having this layer of separateness, in order to release and heal. At Niroshini, we are thorough and look at all aspects and layers to addictions, therefore providing a truly holistic approach.

At Niroshini, our purpose is always to help you, to be empowered and the process of any therapy is guided by you. We are simply here to facilitate your healing process. Care and acceptance, is at the heart of who we are.

For more information on the therapy services described above, carried out via Zoom, please email: info@niroshini.com

Are you not satisfied with your life or career? Do you find that you make poor choices when it comes to relationships? Do you live impulsively to your detriment? Or as a result of the pandemic, are childhood traumas resurfacing?

The inner child is something considered as a valid part of the human psyche by psychology. In spiritual terms, the inner child can be described as the essence of our soul. The intention behind Inner Child Therapy, is to provide people with tools, in which to reconnect with their inner child, in order to free them from emotional and mental issues, that are not serving their highest good and purpose. The Inner Child Theory is that these fundamentally exist, as a result of childhood experiences. By revisiting the childhood experience and forming a healthy relationship with this part of who we are, provides the basis for healing to occur. Essentially, as children we are adapting to survive but in an unhealthy environment, how we adapt, can be the determining factor, in how we proceed into the future in an unhealthy way. Ultimately, Inner Child Therapy helps to integrate the adult self, with the inner child.

The inner child holds qualities such as innocence, playfulness, wonder, sensitivity, awe, the free expression of feeling and emotions, curiosity, creativity and more… However these traits are not ordinarily valued highly in the Western world. Therefore we are “socially sanctioned by society”, by being told to not express this part of ourselves, in order to “grow up”; thus abandoning, rejecting, neglecting and denying our true essence – who we are. The inner child also holds the key to childhood fears, anger, trauma etc. We may feel that these feelings experienced were so long ago that they do not deserve attention or we may feel we’ve moved on and those feelings from our childhood selves, are in the past. The truth is that by denying our inner child, it in fact then determines every life choice, emotion, behaviour and relationship we entre into. This is because our choices are based upon wounds, hurt and an abandoned inner child.

When disassociated from our inner child, behavioural, relationship and emotional challenges occur. Essentially, if a child experiences trauma such as abandonment, neglect, abuse, tragic events, enmeshment or lack of attention, approval, affirmation or affection for example at the age of 12, then this disassociation can cause our development to stagnate on a psychological level, we age physically – but our psychological growth is stunted as a 12 year old. By disconnecting with our inner child and conforming to societal expectations, we lose our identity. By reconnecting to the inner child, it opens up possibilities and realigns us to our Dharma – Sanskrit word – “your true calling”. It is important to recognise that “expectation”, whether that of which you have placed upon yourself or you have towards others, is simply identified as the ego. To release yourself from this notion, results in the elimination of suffering. Therefore, when we understand societal expectations equals the mass ego, then this can help detach us from it – and  start to follow our true authenticity, rather than basing our lives upon goals and ambitions that are not ours.

How many of us, have lived a life of our parents expectations and if we don’t fulfil this, then it is deemed as unacceptable or you are labelled a failure? In Jay Shetty’s book “Think like a Monk”, he said that he grew up in a family where, he could become one of three things: a doctor, a lawyer or a failure. Despite his family’s discontent, Jay chose to follow his Dharma and set about to become a Monk. Now married and living in Los Angeles, Jay has become a motivational speaker and shares his teachings through his Monk training, to spread love and healing and to help people to find their Dharma. It is about truly listening to our intuition which at various points throughout our life, can almost seem to disappear or we disassociate from it. When we start to look from within to our intuition, our inner child and connect to our “higher self” or our “oversoul” or “Subconscious”, to help us understand what we want to aim for and what goals to aspire to achieve, this is when we can realign with our true authentic selves. Some people argue that above shelter and food, to be heard is the most valuable. If we are not heard as children, if our voices are muted, if we are not acknowledged, nurtured and encouraged, in what we want to do or become, this is when one can end up living to the tune of someone else’s song. In listening to ourselves, this is when self-actualisation can manifest; our true potential. Connecting with the inner child, is a wonderful way to gain an understanding of your purpose.

Jung’s example of one such child archetype was the “puer aeternus” meaning “eternal child” which can be depicted as Peter Pan or the female version “puella aeterna” as Tinkerbell. This refers to someone that remains as an adolescent psychologically. They may be very dependant upon parents, lead a life that is empty, they may wish for things in the future but do not materialise them. Remember a wish, is simply a reminder that we haven’t put in place actions, in order to make that hope or dream happen. What they value may be freedom and not having any constraints or particular commitments. Jung said that it is not to dismiss the eternal child, more so to have a balance between the “senex”, “old man” that is ordered and responsible, in order to mature psychologically. In fact, universally, it is seen as healthy to fluctuate between the adult and child self, that has healed from childhood trauma.

If we are told to “get over it”, “don’t cry” etc, this reinforces a coping mechanism within us, determined by society in how to act and feel, thus rejecting our inner child, our true self.

We can have negative and false beliefs about ourselves, based on how we were communicated with verbally or non-verbally. For example, if a child was abandoned, then they may automatically believe that they are worthless, they are “not good enough”, there’s something wrong with them because they’ve been rejected, they feel unlovable because they believe they are a bad person etc. These beliefs can overspill into how we feel about the world and people around us, for example, the world is not safe and no one can be trusted. This serves as another layer of disconnection, as we have severed the tie of our inner child; that wonder, awe and innocence – by us creating a perceived way of protecting ourselves – for example, isolating ourselves from everything and everyone around us – and by doing so, we create a false self, one that is not in alignment, with who we truly are at the core, the seed of who we are.

Inner Child Therapy involves exploring what we may have lacked or needed as a child and then to readdress this by actually providing those things for ourselves and in doing so, one is parenting or re-parenting themselves. By understanding negative patterns, such as the way we see ourselves, speak to ourselves, see others, see the world around us, always being on self-sabotage mode, the mindset shifts by acknowledging and fully understanding the trauma and in doing so, we can become our own effective and healthy parent, in order to address these issues now. As well as parenting yourself, there are various other methods to help reconnect you with your inner child.

How many of us repeat relationship patterns, for example, being attracted to someone who is “emotionally unavailable”. In Inner Child Therapy, we can explore this, by going back to childhood experiences. For example, is it a case of trying to win someone’s approval because this was an expectation put upon us as children, to find a way to become seen as acceptable, to be seen in a way that was desirable to the parents or caregivers in order to be loved – and – because this dynamic is familiar, we become almost “addicted” to the “chase” of winning over a love relationship in this same way – to gain approval with the ultimate aim of being accepted, as we feel this will provide us a sense of safety and belonging?

Inner Child Therapy identities how present day behaviours, are a result of childhood trauma. These could have manifested as workaholism, alcoholism, being aggressive, overachieving, eating disorders, self-harming, obsessive behaviour, trust issues, co-dependence, intimacy dysfunctions etc.

Where suffering is dismissed, this can be as a result of coming from a place of denial; a survival mechanism. The roots can come from that need for acceptance and approval and therefore, the trauma is buried or it could simply stem from someone, not believing that what they experienced was “that bad” because they are comparing themselves to someone else. Remember no one’s experience, is qualified to be any more or less important. We all have unique experiences to us. Not addressing where the trauma came from, as in identifying who it came from, can result in people blaming themselves, like they did in childhood which in turn, excuses a parent or caregiver for abusive or neglectful behaviour. FOG – fear, obligation and guilt – parenting practises that are based on these, can also mean that the adult self now, is reluctant to identify who the responsibility lays with. Alice Miller said that she saw people resisting the truth about their parents which she believed came from a place of idealising them.

Inner Child Therapy helps to identify, where roles were shifted in a family dynamic, for example, the child may have taken “emotional responsibility” for the parent and rather than being the child, in order to appease them, they became confidants, advisors, caregivers etc. By understanding this, it can help your adult self now, to develop healthy preferences (boundaries) with all relationships – family, friends and colleagues etc.

Covid-19 and our inner child

Feelings of being “trapped” – the inner prison, is talked about by Alice Miller in her book “The Drama of the Gifted Child”. In literal terms however, when we look at childhood, we are living in an environment that is controlled by an authoritarian figure and if a child has been in an abusive living situation, then this can feel as if we are trapped, not only physically but emotionally by not being permitted to defend or express ourselves and being subjected to a position of powerlessness. During the pandemic, for many, childhood trauma was triggered, by revisiting this feeling of being “trapped” once again. Our whereabouts, who we could interact with and what we could do, were controlled and if not abided by, one had to face an unpleasant consequence.  

We can strive to be more loving, kind and compassionate with others but how many of us direct this energy towards ourselves? The benefits of inner child therapy can help to develop this. There are so many advantages to this therapy, as it can lead to shifts within your life to make healthy choices and nurturing a bond that is healthy towards yourself. By working with Melissa, she can help you to reconnect with your true essence, through “inner journeys” (meditation and visualisations), Emotional Freedom Technique, writing, helping you to facilitate a therapy session held by you with your inner child and looking at videos and photos. You will be able to express and explore this part of yourself, with the knowledge that you are in a caring and accepting environment. Melissa has 16 years of experience, working as a therapist. Together, you can address such things as, emotional difficulties, self-loathing, relationship challenges and trauma – emotional abuse, sexual or physical and neglect. You will explore beliefs in the form of “scripts” – what we tell ourselves, as a result of the information we absorbed as children and carry into adulthood – and in doing so replace this script with something that is healthy. Re-writing internal scripts, allows one to function effectively. There are many influences on our lives, that can be from as early as when we were in the womb. If you want to explore this further, Melissa can facilitate a Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique session. Our senses at a young age absorb information from family, caregivers, religious institutes, teachers and more and therefore, you will have the time and space in the session with Melissa, to explore all influences in your life at a young age so that no stone is left unturned, in discovering where certain beliefs have derived from. We’ll also explore activities associated with positive memories and look to find ways in which to re-introduce these into your life now, as a means to connect with your true essence and live a fulfilling life of enjoyment.

Each Inner Child Therapy session is tailored to the individual. For more information, please email: info@niroshini.com

To read about our Zoom Talking Therapy, click here

At Niroshini, we sent out a survey to our clients, that had previously undergone Botox and asked:

1) Did you know that one of the ingredients in Botox is human albumin – a protein from human blood?

2) Are you aware that using Botox as a preventative means to ageing, prior to visible wrinkles, is not FDA approved?

3) Did you know that Botox injected over a long period of time, for fine lines and wrinkles, has been shown to cause facial muscle loss?

4) Did you know that to evaluate the Lethal Dose of each batch, Botox is tested on animals?

100% of our clients, that had either experienced Botox as a “one off” treatment or used to have regular treatments were unaware of these facts.

At Niroshini, we champion natural alternatives to Botox whether that is ethically sourced, active skincare ingredients, sculpting facials like Gua Sha; an ancient Chinese ritual that improves skin elasticity and of course, cosmetic acupuncture.

In the UK, there is a high increase in under 30’s getting Botox. It is said that one million pounds is spent per year on corrective surgery as a result of these injections.

At Niroshini, in the past 7 years, there has been an increase in clients, that have suffered adverse effects from Botox, wishing to find a natural alternative, as a result of their experience. One such client, in her 30’s complained of losing all movement around one eye, where the Botox had been injected and this effect did not reverse. Another client had an allergic reaction to Botox and could not speak or swallow properly, for a few weeks after the treatment.

In April 2002, the FDA approved Botulinum Toxin-A injections (Botox), to be used for cosmetic use for “existing wrinkles” on three facial areas: frown lines between the eyes, forehead and crow’s feet. (Therefore, it is unable to address concerns such as sagging skin, muscle tone and facial contour – which the Niroshini Cosmetic Acupuncture Ritual does). Once injected, it paralyses facial muscles and abates into the system and will need to be carried out approximately every 3 to 4 months. The neurotoxin Botox is a drug made from a toxin produced by the Clostridium bacterium; the same toxin that causes a life-threatening food poisoning called botulism. Botox blocks signals from the nerves to the facial muscles so that they can no longer contract, causing wrinkles to temporarily relax and soften.

Today’s consumers are more conscious about what they apply, consume or put on. There is the ever rapidly increasing vegan movement and of course, Botox is not suitable for those wishing to live a vegan friendly lifestyle, as it contains human albumin – a protein from human blood which is the secondary ingredient in Botox along with sodium chloride. To evaluate the Lethal Dose of each batch, Botox is tested on animals.

Botox cannot be administered during pregnancy or breastfeeding. In animal tests, Botox caused rodents to have babies with a low birth weight, born early, not developed properly or even survive. The same “may not” happen in human babies, however, the lack of evidence is enough for doctors to advise against using Botox during these periods. (Like many medicines, Botox may pass into breast milk reaching the baby). With Botox having the potential to travel from the injection site to distant parts of the body, we are really only on the cusp of discovering what the long-term implications of the drug may be.

Using Botox as a preventative means to ageing, prior to visible wrinkles, is not FDA approved. It is well documented, that Botox used as a preventative means to ageing, can cause premature ageing, by causing facial muscles and the skin overlying these muscles, to become thin. Additionally to this, Botox injected over a long period of time for fine lines and wrinkles, has been shown to cause facial muscle loss. The result is that wrinkles may become worse. This is caused by nearby muscles, contracting around the site where the Botox has been injected, that try to compensate for the muscle loss and this causes more fine lines and wrinkles to appear. The skin can become thin too. This can cause visibly protruding veins.

Some of the risks of Botox are:

♦ Loss of bladder control ♦ Upset stomach ♦ Trouble breathing ♦ Difficulty speaking or swallowing ♦ Drooling ♦ Vision problems ♦ Flu-like symptoms ♦ Droopy eyelid or cockeyed eyebrows ♦ Crooked smile ♦ Eye dryness or excessive tearing ♦ Muscle weakness all over the body ♦ Hands suffer a loss of cortical brain activity ♦ Inflammatory response in the immune system

At Niroshini, we were asked by Hong Kong Tatler, to contribute to their feature piece “Should I Quit Botox”. Although this is a booming industry, it’s encouraging to see that such influential, glossy mags, are helping to spread the word about natural, alternative treatments that can be just as effective or even more so compared to Botox. If you would like further information about our Niroshini Cosmetic Acupuncture Ritual, please email: info@niroshini.com